Margaret Waage - Blog

Which Way To Go Will Get You Somewhere

2012-01-28T18:46:00.000-08:00

Rhode Island Sky

"It's not the package but what's inside" is my mantra for the day. I keep repeating that over and over in my mind as I look around at my surroundings. We have begun the audition process of college entrance requirements, for what may be the next four to five years of my son's life. It's a journey together, the three of us, (musketeers), our family.

We had an early start and headed out to the University of Rhode Island with our granola bars in case we needed sustenance. Our bellies were considered, but the question over what was to be, couldn't be answered just yet.

University of Rhode Island

I liken the college application process to two other anticipatory times in life - house hunting, and the long wait of pregnancy.

Both times, every thought imaginable runs through your mind. But it's the wait and the due diligence that gives you the feeling you're doing everything you're supposed to in order to make the right decisions and to ensure the health of the baby.

As a consumer, it's a comparison game you play when purchasing anything. What something costs is usually the biggest factor. But how do you measure which path to take when it comes to education?

University of Rhode Island

Deciding which college to attend ultimately becomes the road map to your child's life. It's nice to imagine the learning that will take place in any of the selected schools applied for.

I'm reminded of the Dr. Seuss poem, "Oh the Places you'll Go" where the story ends on a happy note, "Will you succeed? Yes, you will indeed. (98 3/4% guaranteed.)"

We're eager to see how it all turns out. Which school will it be? The one thing I know is watching Connor's growth before, during and after this next phase of his life will be something to behold!

Dutch Island Harbor, Rhode Island

Customer Service - WOW

2012-01-27T18:24:00.000-08:00

I walked into Dunkin' Donuts today for coffee and got something better. "Welcome to Dunkin' Donuts!" said the woman behind the counter with an ear-to-ear grin. I could feel her enthusiasm and I hadn't even had my first sip of caffeine.

I splurged on a 'Box O' Joe' and as soon as I placed the order, I could tell she was new. The cash register beguiled her and she had no clue how to key in the order. She quickly asked for help, and as I stood there watching her associate go through the order menu, I was grateful to the more experienced of the two. I counted four sub menus strokes to get to the requested item:

1) beverage
2) hot
3) size, and lastly,
4) 'Box O' Joe'

It seemed a long way around to get to what is one of their staples. In my mind a quick key on the register resembling a facsimile of a 'Box O' Joe' would be ideal!

©Dunkin' Donuts - Box O' Joe®

I wondered at precisely the same time my host did, how funny it was to key in 'hot' because what else would a 'Box O' Joe' would come in other than hot? We looked across from one another and chuckled. The simple task of ordering was to this newcomer, something that needed to be learned.

What a wonderful skill she had, a genuine smile and eagerness to connect with me, the customer, on the other side of the counter. I watched her practice pressing keys to get to the button that would display the charge while the more experienced woman put together the order. The newbie wanted to know the routine and have it down, without a stumble.

I wished I'd asked her name because I wonder what it is. Just being part of her brief falter, followed by watching her do a dry run of register panel, and committing it to memory, endeared her to me.

I told her what a great job she did because she took the time to connect with me as much as she did the task at hand. That was a real energy jolt - even better than what was in the box.

Baby It's Cold Outside

2012-01-21T17:23:00.000-08:00

It wasn’t so long ago when what I said mattered. “Wear your hat and gloves so you don’t getsick,” doesn’t seem to hold weight any more. My soon-to-be 18-year old son wears anklet socks and a sweatshirt as his only ‘winter’ cover in 20-degree weather.

It drives me nuts. I know my concern is that of a ‘just amom’, or could it be it’s simply a concern I have due to the cold? I like wearing thick socks that keep my legs warm and cushion my feet. On days when time allows, my attire can be morecoordinated for the office but let’s face it, fancier fabricsare well, thinner, and therefore I'm cold.

There are warmer choices, I know, but I'm not into the sportier, and clunky look of UGGs. I like the multi-layered styles of Anthropologie or H&M but those brands can be pricey to put together.

Out the door goes the teen for a Saturday night. He's wearing just a hoodie. A winter coat purchased for the purpose of protection, hangs in thecloset for a second year, unworn. That garment will surely find its way intothe donation bag because the possibility of its use is non-existent.

Teen angst is funny. Mine was for platform shoes andbell-bottoms. Today, for a male teenager, authenticity demonstrates itself in wearing barely enoughclothes for a January evening out.

A parent has no solace in comparing his own youth to that ofhis own child. Decades stands between the two, not to mention the particulars ofhow 2012 is different than 1974.

What is of concern is the thought every parenthas when they think of the kind of future their child will face. Will they findthemselves able to sustain themselves, will they be safe and of course theultimate question – have I done a good job parenting?

Only time will tell. What feels good in the meantime, is the sound the door makes when it closes behind your child upon his return after a cold nightout.

Documenting Self

2012-01-14T20:38:00.000-08:00

It’s been decades since I first embraced photography. Whatit meant during the beginning years was a way to look at the world, and separatemyself from the painful parts. Watching parents disengage, a sisterself-destruct and other siblings disperse into their own worlds from behind thecamera, kept me apart from their struggles and gave me a layer of insulation.

Early assignments I chose were self-portraits. Ibelieve it was an attempt at understanding feelings I had in response towhat was happening around me. Portraits can be opportunities to discover the subject and in the caseof ‘self' I used the camera to articulate‘visually’ what was going oninside.

Another interesting aspect of documenting oneself is thesensation of being in two places simultaneously. You can’t see from behindthe camera what perspective your frame looks like. In the instant oftaking the photo, when you are the subject, you're in a space of ‘presenting’ for thecamera, much like that of an actor, playing a part.

Some talents have made a name for themselves using charadein self-portraits - see the likes of Cindy Sherman. Whether her fame is whollyattributed to her elaborate sets and execution or a result of the timing of hercraft, her work stands up to the ever-present popularity of self-capturing in the current ‘see me’ generation of Facebook super users.

Nowadays, the Droid makes it easy to mug for the camera. Theresulting images all look the same to me. No matter who is in the frame, these mobile snapshots bear the “I’ll see this photo later on Facebooksmile” and they almost always call attention to themselves via ‘tagging.’ It’s asif the photo feature of the phone is as important as its ability to communicate– ask any consumer shopping smart phone capability when a contract is up forrenewal.

I’m returning to those early photography assignments – and working on a theme 'documenting self.’ It’s an attempt to see how appearance changes.

In this instance I want to chronicle a universal reality. The processof aging is something we all experience and photographing it is an ongoing effort, just like time.

Celebrate Life As Long As You Can

2012-01-01T00:40:00.000-08:00

Yeah ~ 2012 is here! I remember all the years before when people I loved where still around. We'd run out at midnight and bang pots noisily at midnight to signal the new year, as if to say 'wake up!'

That was a lifetime ago. Watching the crowd at Times Square with host Ryan Seacrest, performer Lady Gaga, and icon, Dick Clark, is still part of what marks the end, and the beginning of time marching on. But this event doesn't indicate the change that occurs when loved ones pass. They go at odd times throughout the year, sometimes passing suddenly, days before a notable birthday, or after a year of battling a cancer diagnosis.

Chin up - that's what you do when you're the one who is left behind - alive. You have to bury the dead and live for the living. We all must go in our own time - and celebrate being around for another year.

Do your living with conviction and care. Do what makes you happy. That's what I tell my son, and that's what I try to do. It doesn't have to be a monumental thing like climbing Mt. Everest, unless of course that is your passion, but being honest with who you are to yourself, is monumental.

You can always worry about anything, at any time. But the luxury of time is precious, and all the more reason to seize it for what it is. Time is the currency of life. Spend it wisely!

Tasty 'NOT'

2011-12-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

I don't mean to be mean. I'm compelled to air my opinion and it isn't positive. Three times I purchased Listerine strips and three times I was disappointed. Up until then I was very happy with the innovative product. How convenient, to pop one of those cinnamon flavored strips into your mouth, and immediately feel at first, a tasty sweetness, followed by the cleansing sensation of a fresh breath that makes you want to inhale just to 'whoosh' in flavored air!

I'm a loyal customer and I'd buy the product again. However, there's a lesson here: a consumer learning experience that literally left a bad taste in my mouth! The lesson here is - inspect, inspect and inspect!

The only indication I found were lot numbers and instructions for keeping the product fresh. If the usability depends on the temperature, which it indicated, I wondered, how did I manage to buy so many bad batches? I don't live in either a desert or tundra, and yet every time I sank $5 bucks down for a three-pack, I got stuck with hardened strips. Hmmmm is all I'm saying. If it happens one more time I'm promising to contact the big guys for a refund. I'm getting tired of throwing money out like it grew on trees and was easily had - NOT!

Here's a good starting point if you've had a similar experience:
https://www.listerine.com/contact-us
http://web.consumerreports.org/

This Moment

2011-12-09T16:04:00.001-08:00

"A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

“This Moment” is a ritual found on Life inspired by theWee Man adopted from SouleMama which was introduced to me by Sarah-Jane, author of Almost There. If you find yourself touched by a Moment and would like to participate, post your picture on a Friday and leave your link in the comments section.

Is Cain Able?

2011-12-02T16:48:00.001-08:00

I have to admit it, I'm actually beginning to like this kind of thing! Following news coverage of the republican candidacy for President 2012 is absolutely great entertainment! For the last year the question of who will run against Barack Obama has taken so many twists and turns through a build 'em up to knock 'em down roller coaster ride that makes cheap thrills seem benign!

From Sarah Palin's flirting with the nation whether she'd would run or not, to Newt Gingrich's resurrection from a long history of being a 'political player' to Michele Bachman's wavering position on gay and lesbian lifestyles to Rick Perry's 'can't remember' moment, only to be toped by Herman Cain's lack of opinion over foreign policy and questionable status of relationships to women other than his wife.

Cain is playing his hand out, over the public's right to know who the candidate is, by deferring to his wife. Perhaps in other countries extramarital sex isn't such a big deal. But you have to admit, the timing couldn't be worse for all the negative PR that's surfaced just within the course of one week - social media, you gotta love it!

In this country people want to believe the person they elect to run the country isn't sleeping around, and even more, they want to believe the leader of the country at least is familiar with the job requirements like knowing the issues and having an opinion. With Newt also, there's much too much loosey-goosey going on in his past. He made quite a pretty penny 'advising' Freddie Mac and it would be safe to say his role as 'consultant' was merely a euphemism for just plain steering.

But Cain's maneuver to 'talk things over' with 'the' missus is absolutely a litmus test to see how dumb people are. This attempt to show he's a family man is just a play at turning the heat off from the philandering rumors. Who will believe this strategy? Well if Cain has his way - maybe many will as evidenced in his latest campaign thrust: Women for Herman Cain. Now the question remains, is Cain able?

For all the entertainment value, the real issues seem to be lost in the fray and that's even scarier than any amusement ride!

Surviving The Season

2011-11-26T19:10:00.001-08:00

We did it. We dined local. Does that qualify for doing our share in the 'shop small' effort? Craving a good burger following Thanksgiving day weekend, my husband and I ventured out to 'Five Guys' for a hearty hamburger and awesome fries. Five Guys isn't as big as McDonald's and feels 'local' to me. It's probably the L-trytophan that is clouding my thinking because the people working at Five Guys are certainly not earning nearly enough profits as the franchise owners!

Middletown, CT is a short ride away. As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot, five police cruisers race by. It's anyone's guess what is going on. We barely had begun to enjoy the salt in the fries, when the flashing lights of police cruisers shone through the plate glass. A posse of about six cars were within view as we ate.

A cop on foot soon enters the front door and is actively performing a spot check. We realize whatever happened is still happening. A robbery no doubt. The police officer checks both the men's and women's bathrooms and leaves quickly.

The internet tells us an armed robbery at Walgreens across from Five Guys prompted the sirens and cruisers. Now 24 hours after the deed was done, the perpetrator was apprehended. A 48-year old man walked into the store, punched the clerk a few times and took off with some cash. Wow I'm just glad he didn't fire a gun. For all we know anything can happen anytime. People are desperate. The holidays have started their unending push to entice buying endless amounts of stuff - because for many, that is what the season has become.

A story about a California shopper using pepper spray in a Walmart has surrendered. What the heck are people thinking? Is buying stuff a few bucks cheaper the reason to assault strangers? Why is having an Xbox video game console so important?

Holidays or not, spending money shouldn't be something you now have to worry about beyond whether you can afford it or not.

Last sprint

2011-11-11T13:29:00.001-08:00

I was warned. I should’ve known the lengths of which college applications would confuse me like a Games Magazine jigsawpuzzle. I suspected as much and enlisted the help of a college paperworkspecialist. I’m not sure if that’s Melissa’s title, but I’m lucky to have theassistance of a friend who is expert in the areas of Naviance and Fafsa.Melissa excels at the sprint work needed in these matters.

It may seem crazy to say we get the easy part - financing adebt that’s almost as much as a second home, but it’s true. Identifying whichcolleges to consider, letters of recommendations, brag sheets, transcripts,early application deadlines and fees, and in the case of my kid, audition mp3discs and live tryouts are all part of our job as parents to prepare our sonfor the life he chooses. Whatchoice will be the right one, will the investment yield a self-sufficient life,and more importantly will he blossom into the person he sees himself becomingare the unknowns.

Connor in Messy Room

Getting past go is just the beginning. While it’s my son whois applying for college, it’s me who is minding the deadlines. I can’t play themusic for him and I can’t make the calls that he’s supposed to make to arrangehis own auditions.

Asking my kid to be proactive in his own ‘to do’ listseemingly falls into the same category as asking a 17-year old to clean up hisroom. The probability of finding a clear path past the clothes on the floor isremote.

I wonder how it will all turn out. I know about waiting for things, like when I was pregnant, this too willpass. My son will attend college - we just don’t know where yet.

In the meantime all I can do is try to be less bitchy aboutthe stress and maybe, just maybe, plot the makeover for his room once he’sgone.

Peanut Gets Pampered

2011-10-29T13:43:00.000-07:00

I won something! This was a first for me. I've filled out my fair share of raffle tickets, realizing it was the donation that mattered. Didn't give it much thought beyond that. Well that changed when the Mary Kay rep told me I was entitled to a free pampering session.

Visions of a make-over danced in my head. Would a facial be the answer to a new outer look? I agreed to accept this 'freebie' and quickly learned nothing comes that easy.

My representative informed me that in addition to the pampering session, I would receive free gifts if I invited some friends to join us in a skin care info session. That didn't seem to be too much of an hardship. I emailed a few people I knew and the very situation that promised stress reduction quickly became one that prompted some wonder. Now I had to recruit people to come over and sit for a sales pitch.

Wow - was I dumb. Mary Kay wanted their email addresses. Really? That's when the freebie didn't seem so free. Mary Kay rep, I probably would've bought make-up had you just sent me a catalogue. I don't need to convince anyone else that they've got bad skin. Even the guise of a free glass of wine seems tainted with the real reason to come - to be sold on a product anyone can shop for independently.

May Kay lady, I've got nothing against you. I know you're just doing your job. But when you said you wanted to pamper me, you kind of misrepresented yourself.

In all fairness, after I cancelled the skin care presentation, the rep offered to pamper me Saturday morning - to make good on the $15 gift I won. I told her "I'm too busy taking my dog to the groomer!" A girl has to have her priorities in order, after all.

Before

After

Cold Sesame Noodles and Lowe's

2011-10-19T19:55:00.000-07:00

Nothing could make me happier than a portion of cold sesame noodles. There's one place I go to not because it's near work (although it is) but because they use hot sauce in the mix. The soft and springy texture of the noodle combined with the tang of spicy sesame sauce brings everything into perspective for me.

I had a hectic day yesterday and I couldn't bear to go back to the office at 5:00 o'clock with an empty stomach. Sheer will only lasts so long getting through the day, especially when all you've eaten is a morning power bar.

I went to that place, Hong Kong Kitchen, where I knew a bowl of cold sesame noodles would make all the worries and stresses of my day (did I get good enough photographs for my client) slip away to that neutral place of 'I can deal with a new batch of images and all that ensues in Photoshop and/or Lightroom' what ever the tool may be.'

The parking lot was empty, and look entirely different than it does at lunch time. Then it struck me - it's not so much different than it is desolate. Hong Kong chef looked like he was closing shop when I entered. I asked if the store was open and he said yes, till 10:00 p.m.

Without a prompt from me beyond placing my order the chef started a conversation. "My business is slow now ever since Lowe's Home Improvement closed. Friendly's too is gone and so is Citifinancial," said Chef owner. The car dealership also had been closed for over a year. All these surrounding stores were now a lost source of income for the restaurant.

Formerly Lowe's

"We've been here twenty-three years and I've never seen it like this," said Chef. My noodles were ready even before I had reached inside my purse for the money. I was impressed but realized without the usual line of customers, of course the service was that much quicker.

"Sugar costs are up in price," he said. When all I had to pay for dinner was less than $5, I told him he should raise his prices. I didn't think it would make up for the decrease in traffic, but told him he's not charging enough for such great food.

I always wondered what it would be like to cook every day as a business. I'm don't cook at home and dread the mess a good meal makes. I do like to eat though, (who doesn't), and can really appreciate the labor involved.

When hard working people feel pinched from a bad economy, you know it's bad. It saddens me to think this family business may be in trouble. I thanked the chef for my meal and for the exchange of conversation. That bowl of noodles is worth much more than the price of food.

Rant vs. Truth

2011-10-11T19:48:00.000-07:00

Ever observe things in every day life that 'gets your goat?' For instance, you hold the door for the person behind you and lo and behold, not a word of thanks or acknowledgement of your consideration. Should that action discourage you from doing it in the future or do you simply chalk up the lack of courtesy to oblivious people? Would it have been better to simply let the door slam in their face?

Another pet peeve I have (is it just me?) is seeing shoppers transfer items from cart to car and when done, leaving the cart at its last position of use to them. The cart becomes the next guy's problem as it blocks the adjacent vehicle from backing out. It's almost comedic to watch the reaction of those who approach the situation especially when a 'return cart area' is but a few feet away!

Just this morning I was admiring the nice weather on my drive to work when the driver in front of me pokes their hand through the sun roof and releases a wrapper of some sort. The wind just gobbled it up into the air and who knows where it will land to litter up a otherwise manicured landscape. What an exhilarating cheap thrill that must have been (sarcasm intended)!

Wrong things get my goat. What does anyone do with a peeved reaction? Whatever the response is will most likely influence your outlook for that moment in time.

What do you do with frustration? If you rant - you have to take into account that it probably won't accomplish much.

The truth and telling it without anger might be best served by changing the reaction to what gets you upset. That's all anyone can be responsible for. Doesn't mean that the things you see around you aren't as bad...(they are). Instead of reacting to things, try doing what it is that makes you feel good. At least there's comfort in knowing you can do better than the thoughtless stuff you can't control.

Carpe Diem

2011-08-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

A tune is playing in my head. Tracy Chapman's 'Fast Car' feels like what's happening for each member of my family. I'm not referring to drug use or abandonment, but the pace and yearning to find purpose Chapman sings of. The Waage cars travel in three separate directions. Occasionally the vehicles meet on the driveway, and if we're lucky, we may even spend time with one another inside and share a meal.

Today a fast paced senior year begins for my son and his schedule is jammed packed. All summer long we urged him to get a job so he would begin to know the feel of earning his own money not from his parents, but from a boss.

We spent lengthy hours conjuring up what job would best be suited for Connor. Various roles come to mind - sales clerk, wait staff, warehouse worker and miniature golf ball fetcher all seemed attainable. The summer appeared to slip quietly away with no prospects actually hiring. The leads were just that - possibilities.

A new supermarket opening one town away announced a job fair, and Connor went with resume in hand, only to find hundreds of people like him, in search of any type of employment.

While not hired for the new store, he was offered a part-time position in North Haven, CT., which would likely eat into a big part of the minimum wage earnings he'd make in fuel for the commute. It seemed the window of opportunity passed. Then, as if a gift was given, Connor announced he secured a job two miles from the house.

It's not a fancy job, but money nonetheless. Working for the local grocery, Connor does unpacking and stocking shelves and cashier work. As a parent it's amazing to see your child rise to the occasion and welcome the chance to earn cold cash.

The fast car theme is still idling in my mind because work, school, and music commitments keep him non-stop busy. It's only going to get more frantic when the college Fafsa forms and application process starts. It will seem monumental and it will be.

College costs today are similar to applying for a mortgage. Many of the schools Connor wants to attend have yearly tuition costs higher than my annual salary. I don't know what it's actually going to cost when all is said and done.

We didn't have the foresight to do a 529 plan and I suspect no amount of freelance work will even come close to impacting the debt incurred. Some revving up for intense financing is what I'll be doing.

I'm proud that Connor knows who he is and what he wants to achieve. That in and of itself is terrific. Yes he'll work some odd jobs - who doesn't nowadays, do what it takes to survive? As his parents it's our job to help him get to where he needs to be.

I like it when the rush of work quiets down enough that we can just chill as family, watch a flick and eat supper together.

What’s it all mean?

2011-08-09T14:30:00.000-07:00

Too much is happening… the S&P ratings roller coaster has got my head spinning. How low will my 401K go? The whole concept of a sum of money sitting somewhere bearing my name has always fascinated me. Will I ever get to reap those financial returns? The closer I get to it, the closer to my own mortality.

I guess it’s a good thing that it’s still a ways off - my accessing money, that is. I know I could meet my maker any time. The dust balls will be someone else’s concern. I just hope if death came soon, the dishes in the sink would find their way into the dishwasher without my prompt.

It’s a treadmill - the need to make money to pay for those things we hold dear. The roof over our heads and of course the food we eat. So many people don’t have these basics so the concept of ‘having’ them both eludes me and perplexes me. I’d like to share, and do when I can. There’s always a fear of not having enough. That fear has become so commonplace that I don’t believe it’s a fear any longer.

It’s a fact of life that many people work to live. Yet, if my limbs weren’t able I’d have the issue of physical limitations to contend with.

I’m rambling but there’s so much to wonder about in the scheme of life.

What a day it is and was!

2011-07-27T14:17:00.000-07:00

Twenty Years Married

It's been twenty years of marital bliss! Today is my wedding anniversary and what would I be up to at work? Scouring the stock houses for a photograph of a bride! I find this coincidence to be ironically funny, particularly when what I see on IStock, Photolibrary and Photospin are ghost and goth brides and brides wearing bright red boxing gloves, hands gesturing a 'kapow' motion, and of course if I search long enough there's a fair amount of provocative bride photography, alluding to what comes after the ceremony.

What I need is a beautiful photograph where everything in the frame is PERFECT. The gown and how it is styled, the woman's hands and how they are placed, and the expression, all have to speak to a feeling of happiness.

We're hitched

There can't be a sad or forlorn looking bride. I'm amused at some of the stock imagery on file. Brides looking lethal, and others industrial as they pose in unlikely places - railroad tracks, factories and rugged mountains. A wedding day is supposed to be about bliss, not blisters!

Honymooning in Montreal

I dug out some snaps and it's been fun to look back. What I'm really looking forward to are the next twenty! I love my husband and I'm happy it's been an adventure so far!

Summer of my content

2011-07-22T04:33:00.000-07:00

Didn't think I'd ever say it, but I am. My soon to be 'adult' child is having a good summer. It's not that I wanted him to have a bad summer, but I had hoped he would have found a job. He has a July birthday, and all the nagging in the world to find work, was preempted by the need to turn 17. Many of the locations he had applied for at the end of school year just sent him away saying come back later. Well later, after a summer birthday, translates into the job that may have been there belongs to someone else by the time he meets the age requirement.

Now with only a few leads to pursue a summer job, the days have settled into trips to Borders Bookstore, followed by reading on the coach as cold air-conditioned air blows over his bare feet. We are lucky to be one of the remaining areas in Connecticut where closure hasn't scooped up our Borders.

My disappointment over what could have been (he could have working the summer away - and socking away some needed money) has turned into delight! What parent wouldn't be to see their kid embrace the likes of Walt Whitman, E.E. Cummings and Edgar Allan Poe?

I'd come home from work and he wanted to read some of his favorite poems to me. That prompted me to introduce him to some of my favorites: Rainer Maria Rilke; Wendell Berry and Scott Hess. Wow that moment in time, sharing poetry with my son is something I don't know would have happened had we all just continued in normal routine.

Poetry is like water, you don't realize how much you need it until the taste of it refreshes your palette.

There's still time for the job. I'm thinking the rest of his life! On a more immediate note, a new Big Y (supermarket), will be opening one town away. He's applied online and is going to attend the job fair. Now that he's 17, hopefully he will get hired and I think it will be exciting to see him earning his own money.

The next year is going to be busy like crazy. There will be college tours and applications, band practices and performances, and like any high school senior, there will be emotions over the end of one part of life and excitement towards what will be the next part. It's all good and I'm glad that he's had the chance to take in some time to just be.

One Two Three - Here I Come

2011-07-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

In the last two hours I became increasingly aware of yet another trend. It's most likely not anything new, and I'm coming to it late as it is. Now, not only are traditional news gathering companies using 'citizen journalism' to keep costs down, but the sites themselves are getting more democratized and facing competition from web entrepreneurial start ups.

Digital news aggregate services are competing for what little time many people are sparingly giving to news issues. Ongo, Alternet and Track180 are the 'indie' of news gathering upstarts, with what will inevitably follow dozens more.

It's not enough that Twitter, Facebook and LindedIn feeds give you updates by the seconds, now beta sites will be competing for your 'discriminate' perspectives. Customizable feeds will make users feel that they control the information they wish to know. Anything else that doesn't fall into their interests can be conveniently edited out of sight, out of mind.

Who are the creators of these sights? They may or may not be journalists but consumers of news. Who isn't nowadays? Everyone is an expert and can post comments. It's up to you to decide which sources are worth the two minutes of your time. I recommend visiting more than one just to play it safe for truthfulness sake. Happy surfing!

FOMO

2011-07-11T03:40:00.000-07:00

A social used to mean people met face-to-face. Of course the meaning has changed to mean people 'post' to one another's digital persona. How long do you think virtual exchange will rival a live meeting? No matter how sophisticated technology becomes, it's hard to compete with seeing someone up close and personal.

Take for example tonight. I went to see a band play in a local bar. Something about the vodka and the beat kept me in a groove. If I were Googling that event and a YouTube video came up in a search, I'd click and listen for a few, and then, 'kiss of death' .... I'd go elsewhere.

You simply cannot package experience. No matter how fancy smancy the tools.... being there will always take precedence over a digitized facsimile.

So to all you Facebook fanatics.... it's just a post. Saying you've been there and done that is cool. I want to be there myself to taste the wine, hear the tunes, and of course eat the calamari! If you missed it, it's ok. I'm sure I missed out on your perfect day or perhaps your detour. I'll wait to see where instead you wound up.

I'm into seeing the real deal. Let me know where and when! I'll try to make it but if I don't, I'll try to genuinely not take it personally if I wasn't 'tagged' or mentioned. After all would I do the same to my hundreds of 'friends?' NO offense meant!

We all know that all those 'friends' can sometimes be, well a tad, virtual!

Having a clear perspective and recognition of what computers have become may help to leave them off once in awhile. They once were used as a tool to do work, or to make work easier. They've crossed over into a recreational realm (that's nothing) new. What's new for me is realizing every time I use social a network, I am in fact being in real life, anti social.

So instead of FOMO, I'm switching my approach and usage of computers to be, UIWIC, or 'Use it when it's convenient.' My thinking is that every use should have a purpose, other than surfing. I'll see how it turns out after one week!

Why Photograph?

2011-07-02T03:01:00.000-07:00

I make pictures to know things. With camera in hand something 'clicks'in my brain, that makes me happy, or at least oblivious to the mundane. I'd describe it as an awakening from an 'autopilot' stupor. The camera as tool makes me hyper aware of a flow of life I normally wouldn't register. Things like gestures, emotions expressed via body language that are there all along, suddenly are sharpened details of who the subject is as a person, and what may lie beneath the surface.

I thought Susan Sontag brilliant when she said, "The masses consume images and the rulers use them to control the masses." This sentiment was true decades ago and is seen via the power of advertising in North America, and in Europe as well - as seen in the Propaganda machine.

Now consumption of images is stronger than ever. It has become a regular diet! I think about these things in response to images: beauty, hunger, expense, tragedy, wonder, curiosity, brevity of life, cruelty, disaster, miracle, awe and horror.

Maybe it's recognizing the emotion or reality of 'other' that helps me plant my own feet firmly on the ground. Whatever the reason - photography is just a tool. But a tool for what - is the question?

Some say the purpose of making images, or telling stories is to communicate or convey information. That may be true, but by the very act of selecting where to 'frame' an image, a process of relating to others begins. Through in camera editing, the photographer organizes elements to best convey similarities or differences between the viewer and subject.

The essence of being alive in the world is to be involved. Perhaps it's easier to switch to autopilot where 'floating' through the day, as it were, is the course of action - to go with the flow. Do what needs to get done. That modus operandi may suffice to manage tedium, but it's my brain and passion I worry about. To know about things is to understand them and be engaged with life.

Imagine that - breaking life into moments - one by one. That's what photography is after all - one moment in time.

Some moments made during Mary Ellen Mark workshop 'Look3 Festival of the Photograph' June 2011.

Interior Space - Outward Reach

2011-06-20T17:34:00.000-07:00

Two boys lost their parents. 'It' happened and everything changed. A domestic violence incident that went too far is done. To the police it's a murder-suicide. To school counselors it is a stress trigger that needs to be understood. To the brothers, it is a loss that forever redefines life itself.

Tragic moments such as this, are categorized into before and after. What they also trigger are paralyzing doubt over what could have been instead. What part of the 'system' didn't work? What is it in a person's make-up that charges emotions to the breaking point?

Who knows the answers to those questions? The most qualified shrinks can offer explanation. What objectivity doesn't offer is solace. I cannot imagine what horror a child bears to see their own parents resort to attack. I don't know these boys, but only know my own.

I know anger. I know frustration - who doesn't? I don't know harm. It scares me to think about physical force. I want to erase a wound that cuts to the core at two kids when they should be reveling in the beginning of something great - their life, not the one defined for them. I can't do that any more than I can rewrite my own history.

I look at my son. The fluff of hair that he wears over his head drives me crazy. He writes music that gives me a peek into his soul. He cares about people and he listens. Our young men are those who will soldier through rounds of life - conserving energy, paying off exorbitant student loans and maybe, just maybe, eking out an ounce of happiness should they find someone to share the journey with.

Parentless kids need their community and their friends. Hopefully two newly found victims of familial violence will embrace the support they'll need right where they are.

What To Do

2011-05-25T02:22:00.000-07:00

Do birds think? Or is their behavior purely instinct? One saw fit to locate a birthing home under our newly constructed gazebo. It threw me for a loop. What to do? In one day a collection of twigs formed into a perfect circle. Within hours the nest was lined with dirt and looked sturdy enough for what was to come.

Bluebird checks out the digs

Left outside the ladder stood beneath the canopy. It must have seemed an invite to the bird. Wow, what a perfect place to lay an egg! If it rained all day and the nest would be covered and protected from the creatures roaming the woods.

Loose strands of grass and other shredded materials littered the deck. We had to remove the ladder and by doing so the nest. Would the bird return to it after being uprooted?

I placed it under the deck because it was simply too nice to discard. Lo and behold a single egg appeared. We tiptoed from the rear of the deck walking on the grass to see the bird nesting. As long as we were quiet, we could monitor any progress. Another egg appeared and joined the first just when the nest seemed abandoned. I don't know bird behavior and now I'm worried for two eggs. Once they hatch how long do the young remain before they fly?

Busy

Before I could Google this curiosity, a third egg appeared. Now it's certain they will be born, but will they live long enough to make it to the woods? A coyote and wolf have been walking the property scaring my dog away. Do deer eat birds? They too are around along with wild turkeys. Surely any of these wildlife would enjoy a morsel of little birds once hatched. Only time will tell.

Total Three

Transition

2011-05-20T13:20:00.000-07:00

Love, love, love this time of year. Blooms are waking up the senses and all the while, they too yeild to change of weather.

Glimpse of dormat life now full and yet, brief. Perennial flower prepares for its last days before retreat back into the earth, the harbinger of memory.

Friday Moment

2011-05-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

{this moment} – A Friday ritual. Photos – no words – capturing moments from the week. Simple, special, extraordinary moments. Moments you want to pause, savour and remember. “This Moment” is a ritual found on Life inspired by the Wee Man which I then kidnapped from Almost there by Sarah-Jane.

It's Me I'm Crazy

2011-04-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

I know now that I think too much. I actually wonder 'why' about things - mostly all the time. I cry when NPR tells the story of prostitutes that survive years of violence, poverty, enslavement and emotional abuse. The Magdalene-program, a three part story made me think about someone who didn't make it.

What is the reason why a 'sex as trade' story predominates over the cause, a dysfunctional family issue that made using sex for drugs an addiction? Which is the predominant problem, the drug use or prostitution, or are they interchangeable?

I saw my sister go down that path. For Frances, heroin soothed all things. She could tune out the imperfect life of a mother who could care less and a father that worked two jobs to feed everyone. Surely that wasn't reason enough to simply induce your life away. For her overdose caused death instead of what may have been a more lengthly demise - AIDS? Was she lucky to meet death in an oblivion? That's what I think about sometimes.

Maybe it was something about growing up in the 70's. Drugs flowed freely - prevention programs simply didn't exist then. It's not any easier now remembering what it was like then. I'd watch the nodding out with cigarette in hand until consciousness was long gone. What could I do but witness? If adults couldn't solve the problem what could I do?

What became my most honed skill was observing. Trying to find reasons kept me going. If there was some explanation then maybe I'd understand. Realizing sex is not love and using your body to feed your head is some kind of relationship. But a sad one admittedly.

Yes - life can deal you a crappy hand. But that's not a good enough excuse to fold. Giving up shouldn't be a strategy to cope. My heart goes out to those who dug their way through the pain and found a way back to healthier alternatives.

Weeping

2011-04-23T21:27:00.001-07:00

This moment

2011-04-15T13:47:00.000-07:00

(this moment) – A Friday ritual. Photos – no words – capturing moments from the week. Simple, special, extraordinary moments. Moments you want to pause, savour and remember. “This Moment” is a ritual found on Life inspired by the Wee Man which I then kidnapped from Almost there by Sarah-Jane.

Ball of Mush

2011-04-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

I didn't think I'd feel a thing. The last vestige of my father got towed away today. The 'legal beagle' as I like to refer to a Buick Regal I inherited from him is now on its way to the auction block.

Mina, my step-mom sold us the car for a grand total of $1 dollar. I remember my dad driving it the last time I saw him. They came to see our Long Island house with donuts in hand. When I opened the door and hugged my father, his embrace felt so strong.

The car sat idle for ten years after he died. Mina said she drove it once or twice before leaving it for emotional remembrance in the back of her driveway. Squirrels seemed to like it just fine and they made a nest under the hood.

What a lovely gift it made for my teen son as he become licensed to drive. It felt right at the time when considering a first car for a new driver. It was solid and had low mileage, only 45,000. We further ensured the safety of the vehicle by investing some $3500 getting it 'road worthy'.

'Dad's Buick Regal'

The winter challenged the vehicle and the passenger handle snapped off. With only the driver's side to enter the car, that side too, wouldn't open. Everyone said it was no big deal. A couple of junk yard handles would be an easy find. What we didn't realize was what else we 'found' as Connor started to drive it.

The check engine light like to come on. There was something about 'rocking' the car to get it out of park. The poor kid didn't want to drive it because a plastic bag covered up the driver's side and was the only thing keeping the car accessible. If both windows were closed there was no way to get into the car.

Imagine the hassle of a paper clip routine in the high school parking lot. From a parent's perspective it might not seem a big deal, but with the winter we just had paired with teenage angst, the plastic bag represented a sore spot in what was supposed to be a good thing. Oh, and then there was the steady plume of smoke that came from the tailpipe.

We took a leap of faith and purchased a new car, giving Connor a more reliable option, his dad's red Mitsubishi. A few weeks of worry-free reprieve lasted just that - when the phone call no parent wants to get rings. A new driver hydroplaned into the Mitsubishi, and in turn that hit a van in front. The air bag deployed and that solid sedan was totaled. The only goodness that came from the incident was no one of three cars involved was hurt.

The photographer who took this photo right after the accident said to Connor, "You're lucky I'm here." My son's reaction to this insensitive 'journalist' was not as grateful as he expected. Did the photographer really think a person who just survived being creamed from behind really think it was 'luck' to have a photographer standing nearby? That was the furthest thing from his mind. Note to all citizen journalists - have some tact. What I found uncanny was the caption for the image up top, 'Pleasant Street crash.'

Keeping the important stuff in the bigger picture is paramount to staying mentally healthy. What remains though are decisions to be made. One of them was that Connor has a reliable car. My trusty Subaru is a good choice for a musician. His amplifier and guitars fit nicely in the rear.

NPR will benefit from dad's car once it's auctioned off. I hope who ever gets it realizes the Buick was cared for and has the potential for many more years of transportation. I wish it were me that could afford to feed it the steady car mechanic's diet that older vehicles require. I suppose we pay either way - for a new car that is covered under warranty or an old one that reminds us of someone we love.

The sad part is knowing a piece of metal is really not a replacement for that warm embrace that I remember like it was yesterday, or for a conversation that lost its time to happen.

The tow truck driver secures the car. Part of me felt broken up.

Margaret Waage - Blog: Friday Moment

2011-04-08T17:14:00.000-07:00

Margaret Waage - Blog: Friday Moment

Friday Moment

2011-04-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

Cellular ubiquity

2011-04-03T16:35:00.000-07:00

It's hard not to do it. You are riding along as a passenger and see something out the window. As a photographer, everything I see is photographable. The lines of a bridge, the blue water of the Hudson River. Quick grab a camera, but wait don't have one handy.

Suddenly I realize - I have a camera! It's one of those extras I pay for monthly as part of the cell phone package (thank you Verizon) living in the bottom of my purse. Ok Motorola, can you live up to your hype? I grab it, and turn on the camera app as quickly as humanly possible, and SNAP. Mind you, I'm traveling 65 m.p.h. That doesn't stop me - I have to do it. I have to photograph what I see. It's a testament to living this day - this moment.

The horizon blasts past me - the quintessential landscape of a quiet water scene just waiting to come alive with motor boats and recreational summer sports. It's quiet now - a perfect still shot even if I am going way to fast to capture that feeling. I give it my best effort and for a cellular camera phone, am not too disappointed with the results.

Whether the images are 'good' doesn't concern me. They captured what I saw - that's all that matters to me.

There's a term 'citizen journalism' where every blogger under the sun gets to tout their stuff via blogger, wordpress and Google buzz. If they are web savvy it may rise to the top at some flailing local news station desperate to save money on 'real' staff. Local sites encourage viewers to send in 'content'. Oh, what a salivating offer, for a pool of wannabes who fancy themselves as photojournalists.

It's a crazy time for anybody whose living depends on original content - musician, photographer, artist. How to determine value for that idea, artistic expression via thought, artwork or lyric. How to protect what is yours and still be in the game. The ante is high and you're either in or not. Cell phone snaps - don't look so bad after all! And so it goes - blogger, YouTube, StumbleUpon, Facebook - soak it up and spit it out:

I See Faces

What Used To Be Macy's

Friday Moment

2011-04-01T14:09:00.000-07:00

Power To Amaze

2011-03-30T19:07:00.000-07:00

Does a picture speaks a thousand words? This one did for me:

An image has the power to 'catch' you off guard and make you do a double take. This isn't a horrific or stunning image that you'd expect to be impressed with. It's a shot of an angry Mickey Rooney, an old man who says he's been abused by his own family.

It doesn't matter to me if he's acting or not. It's convincing and it's crappy to think that people hurt people. I'm interested in the story because of the picture. That to me is what photography is about.

Visual communication is amazing because it gets past the autopilot mechanism called 'survival' and reminds us of a whole lot of stuff going on that we may not otherwise want to think about.

Ambivalence

2011-03-22T22:02:00.000-07:00

I cut the cord two weeks ago. Finally got my nerve up to call AT&T and tell them emphatically, no, I did not need a landline anymore. It took me some time to consider what this would mean. I'd forever be
in debt to my Droid. No more answering machines that did not work, no more missed calls when clearly the recording stated, "If you need to speak with Margaret Waage, please call..." followed by my cell number spoken in a clear and deliberate recording.

I started to count the money that would be saved even before the service was turned off. How exciting to estimate it to be over $300 per year. The wheels of wealth started to crank.

But then we lost service. Our bundle consists of phone, internet and television. My husband was supposed to work from home the next day. How could anyone work from home if the internet isn't working?

Not only did that strike a nerve but the evening television time or lack thereof also had an uncanny abandoning effect. Left to watch a previously viewed DVD didn't quite have the feel good effect I had bargained for. I wondered whether missing the local news was the result of inability to watch television or the fact that it wasn't accessible to us at all except if we wanted to squint at the cell phone screen for the news equivalent.

Once the service was restored it felt good. I have to say it felt damn good. To be able to talk without fear of radiation seeping into my brain made me think twice about what I was saving. I know cell phone and radiation is not a proven truth, however, if you read enough warnings about something you start to think there might be something there.

Our home number belongs to the house and to the family at large. For whatever reason, some folks don't call on the mobile phone. Disabling a home phone would be like staging your own death. That sounds a little extreme but who hasn't thought of trimming off a little excess nowadays? I just want to be sure it's for the right reasons and will have to revisit the idea again in few more months .... perhaps after the bill comes in!

My Day In One Picture

2011-02-25T12:47:00.000-08:00

Portfolio Then and Now

2011-02-20T19:11:00.000-08:00

It's an age old question - what is art? What amazes me might not mean a thing to you or better yet, my interpretation of art might be something that disgusts you. Take Robert Mapplethorpe for example. His subject matter ranged from flora to erotic male nudity with the latter causing more notoriety.

Mapplethorpe's photography categorized as 'homoeroticism' along with the work of Andres Serrano, which included the image called 'Piss Christ' showing a crucifix submerged in the artist's urine calls into question, what are the limits, if any, of creative expression?

In 1989 a maelstrom of political backlash ensued over the works of Mapplethorpe, Serrano and other artists. Dread Scott Tyler, an art student of the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, was criticized for his depiction 'What is the Proper Way to Display An American Flag?'

Tyler's installation art consisted of a guest book placed upon a shelf. Above the pedestal shelf, a wall display of various images of flags were hung. In order for viewers to participate in the installation, they'd have to stand directly on a flag where it had been placed facing the pedestal. Prompted by the question 'What are your thoughts about the work?' caused controversy by the simplest act of response vis-a-vis standing on the flag.

These artists pushed the envelope of creative expression challenging the National Endowment for the Arts for future funding and in Mapplethorpe's case, whether his exhibit would show at the Corcoran Gallery of Art (June 1989).

Art won over political discourse - $174.4 million was appropriated to NEA, following the debate if government has a place in determining art funding but that didn't in any definitive way mean these works were 'beautiful'. Art will always be subjective and many make take offense to sexual, religious or political themes used in art content. So the real question remains, what is art? And how can those who make art actually make a living doing so?

Recently a blog post from Seth Godin came to my attention and I'll quote it here:

'Art is what we call.... the thing an artist does. It's not the medium or the oil or the price or whether it hangs on a wall or you eat it. what matters, make makes it art, is that the person who made it overcame the resistance, ignored the voice of doubt and made something worth making. Something risky. Something human. Art is not in the eye of the beholder. It's in the soul of the artist.'

I love this wisdom. It is true and scary at the same time. It addresses the dilemma of every artist today. If we pursue passions, whether they are music, writing, photography, painting, sculpture, cooking, or anything that compels us to keep going - to keep producing art, how does that passion come into play in relation to earning a living? Work needs to be proficient, and artists need to be business savvy.

Anyone can study art history to learn what classics influenced style. But the art classics of hundreds years past, don't teach how to be successful as a artist. Today the tools of making an impression in the minds of potential buyers lie in harnessing today's tools like Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.

Creative expression is much more a process than end result. It's not the 'lucky' ones who meet with success but rather hard-working, driven artists who are rewarded with promising careers. Art and the process of selling creativity is a business like none other and those who excel at marketing their works thrive.

Social media has not only made the business of art selling increasingly possible, it has become downright mandatory for artists of all kinds to jump on the commerce bandwagon. Sites like Etsy, CaffePress, PhotoShelter, rebbubble, and dozens of others too many to list here, are available for displaying artworks and if marketed well, making sales.

Years ago an artist would schlepp from place to place carrying prized art works in a portfolio. In order to get a commission, appointments were necessary. Either the artist would meet potential clients in a face-to-face or make delivery and pick-up arrangements of the works. The portfolio was the calling card, the end all for representation of what an art buyer could expect of the talent therein.

The portfolio and 'leave-behind' card were the epitome of showcasing art works in order to generate new sales. Living in New York I could always tell who the well established photographers were. Their stylish leather portfolio cases bearing monogramed names stood out distinctively compared to the standard black zippered cases from Pearl Art Supply or Sam Flax Stores that newbies toted around.

A recent connection I made on LinkedIn is in the business of assisting artists on their road to visibility. Maria Kazalia, an accomplished artist in her own right, runs the Transmediaartistmarketing.org site.

Maria asked if she could put together a slide show of my work. I was flattered and pleased with the results - an online portfolio! It's much lighter than a leather case and the delivery method is as simple as clicking on the link:

Take a look. By all means send me links to your work. I like making art but I like seeing what else is out there just as much. Maria has inspired me to be in the game! Do show and tell!

Making Time For Music

2011-02-11T13:21:00.000-08:00

It's silly - I know. Why has it taken me so long to really listen to music? It's been there all along in the background of my life. I've taken it for granted like most things. Of course, I remember The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd and who could deny the staying power of Led Zepplin, the mind expanding Robin Trower tunes, and southern blues flare of Johnny Winter. There were others too - the girlfriend phase of the Supremes, and because I had older siblings, Aretha Franklin and The Beach Boys.

I knew the music and rocked out to it too, but I just didn't appreciated it. Music is awesome! It has got so much diversity and complexity and means much more to me now. I could be in the worst mood and find a song that will get me to pump out the angst or if I want to tap into emotions, a favorite artist will get me to tear up every time.

My new found ears come from a vicarious interest in my son's world. His music playing and writing songs has filtered through the day-to-day 'noise' I don't notice. The endless stream of news bytes, the never ending 'voices' in the form of Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn updates.

Music creation is a whole world unto itself. It's a language I can't read or write but am a lucky to be a recipient of. A lyric, like a poem, is deep and cuts through to a raw feeling and awakens 'sleepy' emotions. My connection to music, particularly Connor's, is a substitute for the umbilical cord.

It's through Connor that I'm reminded of my husband's love of music and I'm certain Larry influences a huge part of the person and musician Connor is. Larry's propensity to collect things isn't lost on his growing Itunes library, in addition to the box of LPs that remain in the 'to do' pile of things to sell or give away. Between Starbucks, Pandora and LastFM we've fallen for so many artists. It's exciting to make time for music.

It's as simple as listening together or apart. From that the possibilities can go anywhere, provided you keep yourself open to it - sharing conversation, remembering things together, laughing, crying. I must have known something was right when we chose Into The Mystic as our wedding song.

Nowadays I'm grooving to Ray LaMontaagne and First Aid Kit. Different as they are - they each have distinct sounds - worthy of a listen and bound to make you feel like surrending to the music.

Icicles On The Brain

2011-02-04T15:05:00.000-08:00

It starts out brown and sinewy and its gradual appearance is a premonition of things to come. If every homeowner in the Northeast is anything like me you've got to be looking at your ceilings pretty regularly of late, inspecting for water damage.

The snow has caused a flurry, so-to-speak, of mad dashes to home improvement stores for roof rakes. Ice dams are pretty democratic when it comes to where they will take hold. Structures everywhere, industrial and residential, are suffering from weather damage in one way or another.

My house is a cape and the front is laden with icicles but no water intrusion. The back of the property is considerably higher and therefore harder to access. Water has found its way into the walls of the kitchen, bathroom, guest room and office. Beginning with a drip the leak grows. Last night we awoke to the sound of water streaming. I feared the worst and there it was - a hole in my dining room ceiling spewing forth a steady stream of water. Luckily we had tin pans laid out below.

We are monitoring the progress of leaks vs. sunny temperatures. Tomorrow will be a day of reckoning. The technology is actually benefiting us as Youtube videos on how to make a roof rake have started to surface. That's kind of cool because every store had the same response of 'sold out' when trying to buy one failed. Classic Welding, a manufacturer in North Haven, CT got smart and started making them to order at an inflated price. They normally sell for about $40 - Classic Welding was selling them like hotcakes for $70.

I think with all the snow and water leaks my brain stop working today. I couldn't open the car door and thought it must be frozen. I didn't want to keep pulling on the handles. What if they snapped off? One did recently on my son's car - it could and did happen.

I called work and said I'd be in late when the car thawed some. I thought I'd help it along by dragging out a space heater and blowing warm air on the door. That didnt' work. Finally I realized this was weird and tried my electronic key and wallah.... it opened. Lesson learned always check to see if it's locked especially when your teenage son is the last one to drive.... your vehicle!!!

My 'Icicles On The Brain' kind of day

That wasn't the end of winter gremlins to haunt my day. During my lunch hour I hastily exited the vehicle and locked myself out. Two saving graces - my husband to the rescue with a spare key and kiss for me, and a warm sun shining bright. Trees glimmered from ice encased branches. It was beautiful to see and I wish I could wander around and take dozens of photos.

Snowball Happenings

2011-01-31T19:21:00.000-08:00

Who knew? Ice dams, mail buckets, electrical shorts causing 2:00 a.m. doorbell 'ding dong' serenades complete with a dining room obstacle course consisting of tin tray splatters.

Winter woes were the start of a whacky weekend. The snow hit hard and high. The mounds that gobbled up the mailbox were seven feet tall. White-then-grayish piles were everywhere - at every strip mall cars inched their way outward and many drivers said it was better driving at night. At least then you could see headlights and have some warning of what was approaching behind the hidden pileup.

The weekend brought mishaps by the handful. I hit reverse in the driveway while my eyes focused on that mound on the right side, I heard the 'BANG' loud and clear as I hit my son's parked car on my left, which once belonged to my father.

The Buick Regal was a tank and we referred to it as 'Legal Regal' because it took us a few thousand to get it road worthy after the car sat idle for ten years following his death. That Mina, Dad's wife, held onto the car for so long was her way of coping with his death. When Connor turned sixteen and began preparing for his driver's license Mina offered us Dad's car. It was a beautiful gesture from Mina.

With a fresh scratch on my wheel well I figured I carried a bit of Dad with me in my travels. Saturday came and Connor was ready to drive his first solo trip of highway driving. Off he went while we waited for the call that he arrived twenty miles later safe and sound. Digging out on the home-front was the right thing to do. Some of the dripping stopped in existing leaks. Then to be fair, we found new leaks. Strategizing placement of tin trays and tupperware makes for equal rights among the spare rooms.

Somewhere between eating, shooting, writing and freezing I learn that Connor reverse hit my car with Larry's Mitsubishi. Now I have the Buick paint on one side and red Mitsubishi paint scratches on the other side of the Subaru. Ah....breathe deep.

The second reverse incident wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the driver side rearview mirror that got knocked off like a loose tooth hanging from the Mitsubishi. Larry waits for the sun and its strongest peak to glue the mirror back on. In the haste to work quickly with epoxy, Larry's brand new jacket gets a splash of the sticky solvent and the sleeve is torn.

Well Monday rolls around and Connor is off to breakfast with a friend before taking his last midterm exam. I'm at work and get the phone call every parent dreads. The 'accident' call. I waited for the next words with my breath held. "He's ok it was a fender bender" said Larry. Connor hit a car while pulling a u-turn. The snow mounds on each side of a driveway prevented the woman from seeing Connor.

The worst of it is higher premiums. The best of it is no one was hurt. I could get as mad as the woman hit did when she called my son an 'ass-hole', which I won't. I'm sorry for the expense of more repairs to an old but special car my only kid is driving.

This time will pass. The roof will leak as long as we get pounded with snow. Spring will come and we'll know more for next time and next year.

Please stay with me Grace. Let me know that this moment is real - my husband is beside me albeit exhausted from shoveling. My son is safe upstairs strumming on his guitar. It's so easy to be grumpy, easier to be resentful. I choose to be here now fully aware that life is short and full of holes. It's the space between the holes where life is fleeting that I want to hold onto.

Work From Home

2011-01-23T14:54:00.000-08:00

Being my own boss for one day is weird. It's hard to monitor productivity when sitting on the couch watching television while scouring the internet for usable content. But that is in fact what I do - pairing text with photography.

It takes a special kind of saying that can be used in a workplace. Can't be too political, religious or cynical. Must be positive, uplifting and inspirational. All of that sounds ok if you're producing one graphic. Try churning out twenty-three at a time and your mind turns to putty.

I wonder if people appreciate external suggestions on how to think or live. 'Goodwill' messages are the type of content I make and yet after reading enough of these well intended quips my brain starts to shut down.

Between Facebook posts and Twitter tweets it feels like information overload. It's quiet I want now. No sound - just a long reprieve away from the computer.

Warm weather can't come soon enough. The temperature is supposed to get frostbite cold tonight. Throw another blanket on and curl up tight - that's what I want. Producing anything at all is the furthest thing from my mind.

If only I could heed the message I set forth. It's easy to recognize the value of the words and what they mean. It's difficult though, to implement. What a wonderful world it would be if you could live the life you want and not be bound to do 'survival' work.

In Repose

2011-01-16T22:43:00.000-08:00

A winter's garden is something I'd like to photograph. From what I can see life is dormant and the thought of it holding on intrigues me. What a strange phenomenal that beneath a frozen earth, things are happening ever so quietly, even though it appears long gone.

I set out to find a sleeping garden but when I got to my destination, I found a surprise. I'd never been to Bellamy-Ferriday House & Garden. Nobody was there in January because the tourist season officially ends with December festivities.

The property was covered over in a fresh white blanket of snow. The landscape was pristine showing no signs of footprints or recent tire tracks. Trudging through the drifts was the only way to find the garden. After walking around the perimeter of the house, I located the garden beds in the rear. I saw a fenced area and knew it was indeed the garden instead of the open fields at the front of the property.

How clever it was to to fence off the area. Deer and other animal life must continue to nose around and most certainly do damage to shrubs right through winters cover. It seemed to me such thoughtful gesture and of course it was. The fence serves as protection and undoubtedly saves on the investment of time a garden requires.

Fencing in the area, will minimize damage from animals. Who knows how extensive damage could be thus saving the cost of labor - digging out dead plants and planting over again in spring. I know it sounds quite practical, but as a wanna-be gardener, these observations are what I refer to as guideposts, literally.

I could fully appreciate the purpose of that fence. As frustrating as it was for me not to be able to enter the area it was also apparent that I'd have to make a better plan to capture my winter garden. I cannot simply show up and expect things to be ready for me. I have to invest the time, like a gardener, and account for a strategy.

The road trip wasn't as nearly unsuccessful as it sounds. A few interesting berries caught my eye. I'll be looking out to identify them when I return in warmer weather. I wonder what type of plant life they are. I don't mind that the flower head looks dead and wrought with weather. It still has visual interest. It's like when someone cries - you can see the emotion and though it's sad, it still evokes beauty. That's what life is about .... beauty that is in season and that which lies in repose.

This Moment

2011-01-14T15:22:00.000-08:00

Friday ritual - what is your moment ~ now?
Ray LaMontagne has soul - thank you for touching mine!

Veins and wrinkles are inevitable

Goals Going Forward

2011-01-02T17:25:00.000-08:00

How does age impact goals? Can you still want to be something more (than who you are) in your mid-fifties? It seems a fair question when so many people that age are evolving through a bad economy, job derailments and perhaps a sincere desire to do what they love no matter how late in life.

Such is the case for myself. Making photographs is one of my all time favorite things to do - it's when I feel happiest. There's something about the act of looking, and seeing beyond what is apparent that registers with my psyche and well being. Measuring how to increase the likelihood of that activity in relation to revenue can be challenging though.

Southington

Sites like Etsy, Redbubble, PhotoShelter, Zibbet, and CafePress are a few terrific sites where artists upload and sell their visionary jewels, photography, painting and art to their hearts content.

The more time I spend time on these sites the more I find incredible artisans whose work astounds and inspires my own. Becoming a successful artist is not an undertaking to take lightly. Somewhere between the joy of making art and attempts to sell it lies the biggest reason not to try. That culprit is called self-doubt.

During assignment work of 2010 I found a good antidote to self doubt. I photographed several Connecticut Historic Gardens during the year. I was struck by unique characteristics of these locations. A strong commitment by their respective caretakers was clearly what is needed to build or sustain any goal. Each of these fourteen sites have been around for a long, long time, much longer than my own history. The thought of generations of people caring for a place and what it represents, telling its story over and over, is a true indication of care and love - something of lasting value.

Florence Griswold Museum

A garden and home isn't something one endeavors to keep for one season. It is something built upon season by season. A plot of earth becomes a planting bed, and soon that bed becomes one part of a bigger landscape evolving into a whole. A house may be made of brick and mortar but to become a home, it takes on the history of those who that lived within.

Weir Farm

I am modeling my photography to that of a gardener of which I'm in the planning stages. How exciting it is to think about a direction that will tell my own history and in the process be a self rewarding process.

Webb Dean House

Two Sides To Every Scenario

2010-12-30T07:52:00.000-08:00

Here's the deal: in a perfect world everyone gets 'along'. We'd play nice in the sandbox called life together and we'd cooperate, support, encourage, and delight in each other. A feeling of well-being would ensue and become self perpetuating. Ah, wouldn't that be nice ... if only it where a perfect world!

In the real world, most have their own agenda and ironically it is uncannily like that of a neighbor, friend or colleague. The most general 'agenda' is 'how do I survive'? Where it becomes unique is when someone can forget about self or is secure enough in their own 'self' and recognizes the 'other'. Only then can any exchange happen. It's the exchange I'm interested in.... it's getting outside my 'self' that both challenges and rewards me.

Take a hot potato situation. For example - at work you are asked to take on more responsibility. You can rise up to the challenge or feel stress about additional workload. Clearly the scenario has two sides - and you choose one. You can be for something or against .... but can you be neither? Can you let the hot potato drop to the floor?

In the work situation above I believe you can be conflicted. Especially if teamwork within a department or workplace is in general fragmented. If morale is down overall it's hard to reach to the bottom and pull out the best in people when the consensus is "What has the company done for me lately?"

A fuller plate of work may very well come with a side of stress. It's how you navigate added tasks and with what mental attitude that can actually become a source of pride. Here are two graphic layout examples I'm working on for a flyer. The purpose is to remind customers to utilize their free design service:

Women's History Month Incentive

Women's History Month Incentive II

I like the 'go with the flow' attitude. I like seeing the bigger perspective instead of getting bogged down in what should or shouldn't be. 'Design mailers' isn't in my job description up to now, but if sales are down and an effort to reverse that trend is in motion I want to be on the side that is moving.

We all can find reason to agree or disagree with a management scenario in the workplace. If you disagree with how things are being run - there's always the door. Hey in the meantime, you do what you can, right? You gotta eat!

Crystal Ball

2010-12-27T19:11:00.000-08:00

A new year so often brings a gust of enthusiasm for change. Instead of feeling 'gung ho' I feel paralyzed by what seems like an unending list of housekeeping 'to-dos' that are competing for my attention. Before I can make any major changes, cleaning up would be a great first place to start!

I wonder how in the world did my office turn into the holding place for every piece of junk mail? Surely things were placed there with every intention to sort. Somewhere along the way the intentions piled up as high as the piles of stuff themselves.

I know I'm not a hoarder. I prove I am more fond of purging than hoarding each time I hear the yelling that goes on around me when I attempt to straighten out. Both husband and son go crazy because I take stuff from one place and 'organize' it to another....(where my end goal is the garbage can). Is this a battle of one female vs.two males?

There are no crystal balls to determine how my 'get organized' goals will turn out. Besides a house that needs work, my computer needs housecleaning. Too many countless images and documents have exceeded their usefulness and are now cluttering up the hard drive. Having electronic bill pay didn't make paying bills easier - it's now kind of tricky keeping track of e-bills in the inbox, just as much as paper copies from the mailbox.

I foolishly subscribed to the notion that smart phones and fancy new gear would be the catalyst to jump start my need for organization. 'Apps' are not by any means the answer to good old fashioned, roll-up-your- sleeves kind of cleaning up and cleaning out. While the bar code scanner on the Droid is a nice conversation piece, it doesn't actually accomplish the work of driving to store and paying for said item. I suspect leaving the computer off for awhile might be a cleansing act in and of itself! The internet and other social networking sights tend to be a magnet for stealing the hours away.

Like a savings plan, change can only begin to take place one deposit at a time, and in this case the deposit is time itself. I believe to get started 'changing' I need to get doing even if it's in one hour/one task at a time increments.It's a lovely feeling, a cleared desk, a straightened out sock draw. It's the small things that make a big difference.

Feeling rich

2010-12-18T09:37:00.000-08:00

For the first time ever, I stuck to a savings plan and now it's spending time! How weird it is using currency instead of swiping the plastic albatross. Even stranger to see - the salesclerk examine a $50 bill as though it were indeed an oddity!

I don't want to go back to using credit. It makes me shutter to see the disclosure on the statement showing how long repayment will take (in years) if only the minimum payment is made. While this seems obvious, it's also very clear that many people do just that.

Habits are hard to break. A pocket full of dough makes using it for unintended 'little' things all to easy. What would it feel like to live in a world where services could be traded for? Barter networks are available for testing the moneyless possibility, but of course that requires membership and that isn't free. I suppose any venture gained will cost $$. That's the whole point behind being responsible - recognizing limitations and sticking to them is a good thing.

Embracing a savings plan isn't so bad. Having control of finances shouldn't be a novel idea. Being able to see the whole picture of income to outflow is necessary and liberating. You can plan to do more instead of wondering if a vacation or purchase is feasible.

My crowning jewel of the season and reward for saving all year is on its way to me via Fed Ex. The Apple MacBook Pro represents the first is a series of efforts towards organization, optimization and of course fun!

My Dell laptop needs servicing because the sound doesn't work even though I've tried new sound drivers.This self assigned 'get your shit together' project emanates from the same thinking behind having a annual budget. Scheduling time to clean up hard drives needs to be a regular thing and it's something that I look forward to embracing!

Capable Hands

2010-12-09T19:20:00.000-08:00

While waiting for my husband's Gamma Knife procedure at Smilow Cancer Hospital at Yale-New Haven Hospital, I spoke with the next patient who awaited her turn.

The 58-year old woman needed follow up treatment to a previous surgery when her acoustic neuroma was only partially removed. A small part of a 3 millimeter tumor remained intact because it bled profusely during surgery and her doctor feared she wouldn't survive.

I listened to her story with a stranger's ear but the information I heard was very familiar.She had been out of work for over three months. Vertigo and loss of facial muscles are common effects as is hearing loss after surgery.

Larry had been extremely thorough in pursuing a diagnosis. Doctors from Yale and UConn hospitals each laid out options. Surgery was a choice that bore the heaviest side effects. Gamma knife seemed as precise as the scalpel but had a much friendlier recovery period.

And so it goes. A choice is made and your put your fate, and in this case, your head, in capable hands. A patient's role though should not be passive. Take your health seriously. Be proactive, ask questions, research as much as possible.

No matter what decisions are made, a medical care path can sometimes be unpredictable. The body has its own response to drugs and disease. How cruel it must have been for non-smoker Dana Reeve to find herself battling lung cancer. Why do some people survive breast cancer, Olivia Newton John, Jaclyn Smith, Sheryl Crow, and others not, Elizabeth Edwards?

Treasure, respect and advocate for your body. Why not 'stack the deck' of health in your favor and at the very least become aware of the odds.

Put your heart into it

2010-12-05T11:11:00.000-08:00

It's upon us. The charitable season. Starting days before Thanksgiving and working its way through Christmas, the holidays are the most identifiable time of year as being the neediest. Toys For Tots and numerous other charities put their best efforts into drives to get you to open up the wallet and give generously.

What my local food pantry has been saying all along is no donation is unappreciated. Neediness is not seasonal. More and more folks are in dire straights. Countless Salvation Army Santas ring that reality home at every grocery and Walmart store. It's when they're gone and the ring is silenced and replaced by the whoosh of the automatic slide doors, is when help is needed most.

It's been a tough year for many. Many people are out of work and those employed are considered lucky even if it's with an unfavorable job. Charity is a hard sell when money is tight. But giving is something that doesn't necessarily have to cost anything. There are many ways to contribute to causes that are near and dear to your heart. Volunteering offers anyone the opportunity to give your time, which in many cases has value above and beyond a dollar amount.

For two years Help-Portrait has brightened the lives of everyday people by giving away a photograph for free. "Help-portrait is a global movement of photographers using their time, gear and expertise to give back to those in need." December 4th is the annual date of event where folks are pampered, fed, and listened to by teams of volunteers hoping to put a smile on someone's face.

Jean

Amanda

At the start of Bridgeport Help-Portrait event Saturday December 4th, organizer Uriela Overend asked all the volunteers to form a circle asking each of us to introduce ourselves and say in one word what we hoped to accomplish for the day. One by one each person said out loud what we all were thinking, 'hope, connection, experience, being helpful, learning, engagement, charity, friendship, giving, cheer' and I believe we did indeed do all those things and more.

Make-up artists helped those put their best face on and food was in abundance while people waited for 5x7 prints. Several stations burned CD discs for people who wanted more than the single print promised. Subjects selected which image they wanted by viewing photos on laptops right after being photographed.

One woman I photographed Jean (above) told me that when her mother passed away she didn't have a photograph of her. Jean said 'I don't like the way I photograph but think it's important that I do it anyway to have it - to say I was here'. A photograph is merely a reflection, but a person is real. They think, speak and feel love. I think Jean is beautiful.

Getting to know you

2010-12-02T16:19:00.000-08:00

I'm interested in what you think. I really am. The story, your story, intrigues me. However, if in telling the story you forget about me, the listener, I will lose interest. For effective communication it's about the exchange, the give and take, the 'two parts to every whole' that makes for an interesting connection.

I notice more and more there is less and less in social networking. Facebook posts are like mental droppings. Wasn't the application's premise meant to be 'social'? If it's merely a race to be the first with info or (regrettably) a report about an entire stall of virtual animals in Farmville, or the demise of cousin Vinny in Mafia Wars, then I reserve the right to forgo 'liking' or commenting.

It seems old fashioned a sentiment - the idea of sharing information about oneself in the hopes of being heard. Too many voices competing for empty spaces. No I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I know that sentiment is wasting time. I want to have time mean something...that is what I'm looking for. Anyone out there?

Fleet

Turn The Beat Around

2010-11-21T11:56:00.000-08:00

There's a lot of me going on. My local network news station has taken up the community bandwagon initative inviting viewers to contribute content. They've developed an Android and IPhone app for it in addition to the old stand by 'IReport It' web functionality added some time ago. This democratization of information makes for an exciting opportunity for all and it's anyone's game. No one 'owns' the news and even the top sources can easily be trumped by a local tweet.

The caveat to so much posting whether from Facebook, Twitter or dozens of other aggregate sites is that it diminishes the impact of the newsworthiness of the post. Constant updates ranging in 'what I'm doing now' to 'what I'm eating now' is exhausting to filter through much less respond to. A writer I know, Howard Fielding, coined it perfectly when he took a proactive stand and wrote about NATIONAL UNFRIEND DAY in his Living Here column published by the Republican-American. Fielding described how the number of Facebook friends leads to post overload satiation and eventually dilutes the impact of the message. Plain and simple...too much of a good thing is not a good thing. Suffice to say I don't see him in my 'friends' list and was saddened to be cut loose.

I don't consider myself an over poster or that my content is superfluous. However I'm sure what's important to me can be seen that way by others, the same way I gloss over updates from my connections. And so it goes.... Now the question for me, and there's that 'me' again, is how does value get reintroduced in a world that has access to the same information and at pace that makes lightening seem delayed?

It seems everyone in every business is faced with the same conundrums. Not just a newspaper and/or publishing industry problem, technology, for all its innovations, is causing many industries to reconfigure their business model. Banking is trying to find ways in which to make money off its customers that now are proprietary ATM savvy. The U.S. postal service in their scrabble to remain profitable are talking about closing Saturdays.

There's got to be a way to turn the beat around - and make the ubiquity of information somewhat meaningful, therefore profitable as a business. Google is on the right track with AdWords but even those floating animations that take the screen hostage, can be ignored and clicked off. So I ask ... how will web publishing and fancy IPhone, IPad, Android and Windows programming actually contribute to the economy or job market after the initial purchase? I'm not blaming those companies for the state of affairs. I'm only concerned with how the world will function once every six-year-old owns a blackberry.

Play by Play

2010-11-17T20:44:00.000-08:00

One day off from a desk job does wonders for your perspective. A deep gray sky, a hydrangea bush clinging to its last shade of yellow, red berries like polka dots lining twig branches are the visuals I consumed today.

Photographing my surroundings is like gulping air. I'm under a spell behind the camera and it transforms my whole disposition. Time doesn't matter there... because time becomes light and all I can do is follow it with watchful eyes.

hAPPy Photography

2010-11-09T04:41:00.000-08:00

Some recent experimentation reminds me of what discovering photography for the first time was like. Instant views on a cell phone window doesn't quite compare to seeing a floating transformation in a wet bath of Dektol. A blank white space ever so magically becomes shades of black shapes as the image frame comes into view. Those were the days!

A app on the Android called Retro Camera creates effects similar to camera types. There are five 'camera' types to choose from. I love the 'Xolaroid' effect, taking inspiration from all time favorite Poloroid. The 'Pinhole' camera shows film strip edges and truly takes me back to a time when winding a roll around a metal reel was critical to each frame's developement. If the film wasn't wound just right the image would never see the light of day. It would'nt get processed correctly, and unlike digital where you can quickly see results, the shot would be lost forever.

Here are examples of a recent road trip:

Something To Think About

2010-10-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

I’m scared. I admit it - but I have good reason to be. Anytime I hear the word surgery, my apprehension antenna goes up. It’s not that I don’t trust the competency of the man holding the knife. Or do I? Too much Grey's Anatomy and House has rendered me useless. It’s feeling vulnerable to a host of people, places and things that gets me.

The hospital, the anesthesia, the insurance, the possibility of the unknown …these are doubts running through my mind. My husband has more than doubts on his mind and in his head. He’s got a 14 millimeter acoustic neuroma sitting on his auditory nerve. We don’t know how long it’s been there but do know it needs to be dealt with. Looking at the MRI it’s plain to see how close it is to the brain and doing nothing about it is not an option.

So begins the journey. A few clicks conducting web research offers alternative radiation treatment but not without risks. Radiation can change the makeup of the tumor, giving it malignant qualities. We haven't heard those words yet - malignant or benign and as we venture forward onto this medical landscape, we are learning as we go.

According to Merriam Webster a tumor is defined as: 'an abnormal benign or malignant new growth of tissue that possesses no physiological function and arises from uncontrolled usually rapid cellular proliferation —called alsoneoplasm'.

A second opinion is scheduled and then ultimately a decision to be made. Then the waiting game begins.

Emotional navigation

2010-10-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

When it comes to setting emotional boundaries with your own children I've learned it's a good idea to practice beforehand what it is you want to say. My style of parenting is non-existent. I blurt out what I think before I've even had the chance to realize how it sounds.

Case in point - earlier today I waited in the car while husband and son exited to get food. I am seated in the backseat and notice the driver's window is open and keys were left in the ignition. Now maybe because I just read a disturbing Facebook post about an eight year old who was stabbed at restaurant in New York I proceeded to remove the keys from the ignition. The open car sitting with keys intact looked like an open invitation for abduction.

While I concede I am a fairly paranoid person I don't consider myself unreasonable. My teenage son declared my actions were based on the fact that we were in Bridgeport inferring I was prejudiced against that area. It was then that I yelled out - 'It's because random bad things can happen anywhere!' and preceded to question rather loudly, 'An eight year old just got stabbed in New York!'

I don't think my son understands that as a parent I have to make him aware of safety issues. He is at the age where he thinks he knows everything and that perhaps my actions may seem crazy. They very well may be.His viewpoint of the world is still benign, believing most people should have the benefit of the doubt and I'm glad he sees good before bad. I only want him to know that not the best motives exist in people and that it's better to be aware than hurt.

So I bear the brunt of being the crazy lady in the back seat- simply because I'm proactive in my own safety.Who I ask is prejudging whom?

Domestic help

2010-09-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

What is it about gadgets that make us so wanting? We covet the latest and are quick to abandon what works fine but just doesn’t have the newest bells and whistles.

Take Motorola’s Android made for Verizon. It’s a smarter phone and competes with the IPhone made for Apple by a number of different companies: http://tinyurl.com/bm59zj. The shelf life for the Android’s hardware and software is so short that I haven’t even begun knowing and using all its functionality before the Android2 tempts and taunts me with its sleek TV ads making me feel less than savvy.

Well putting mobile technology on hold for the moment, the biggest ‘FAIL’ technology I’ve experienced is my iron. This darn device winds up causing me more wrinkles than what I already have! There’s something about the steam mechanism that doesn’t work. I’ve thrown out three different irons for exactly the same reason!

Herein lies the irony (ha ha). The device warms up and begins to hiss. All systems appear to go. The garment awaits beautification and then, alas, comes the weeping. Water seems to come from the unit’s base and maybe the steam holes themselves. And this is a good day.

Worse is when I am second to use the domestic helper. If my husband goes first, I can expect to find a wet ironing board with no room to lay my DRY garment. To have to use ironing board calisthenics to nudge out a wrinkle-free sleeve while half asleep is challenging.

Do you have devices that seem to operate contrary to their purpose? More importantly, why does my iron weep?

Technology and Ease of Use - Just Sayin'

2010-09-19T06:43:00.000-07:00

Wow - what freedom! The Droid's navigator application is so liberating and comforting! No more Mapquest, and its fancier 'cousin' Google Maps AND better yet, no more paper print outs. For me that step of mapping destinations meant I'd have to connect laptop to printer two rooms away!

I'm not advertising here - just sayin'. What I did discover is the GPS signal can drop while you're happily driving along, enjoying the tunes while waiting for the mechanical announcement to "make a right in a quarter mile." You can see the map on the 2 inch screen but will have to relaunch the application. Time to pullover to do that, PLEASE. That isn't as bad as driving at highway speed trying to read a line item on a flapping piece of paper. That can't be good!

What I really love is that we didn't, for once, pay twice. We postponed purchasing a Tom-Tom or whatever they're called now. For the price of our cell phone plan we are benefiting from so many free applications that came with it. Of course there are, what seems to be, limitless new apps that are available too. Some with a price - but we haven't' succumbed to those extras. The monthly Verizon bill has a sizable appetite in our monthly budget as it is.

While my family adapts to the newest technology I wonder how long it will be till we drop some old favorites like the land line. Is it necessary? A call to AT&T is in order. Who knows I might be able to trade off land line for HBO in the mix!

Time For Care

2010-09-16T13:39:00.000-07:00

Today I played chauffeur. I’m happy to care for Marie, my mother-in-law, and drive her to the orthopedic surgeon’s office for follow up visit from injury due to simply a fall. Her shattered wrist, being held together by a metal plate, is on the mend. The sturdy nylon stitches came out with some tugging involved.

We arrived at the office with time to spare after inking the required medical history paperwork. Two minutes of feeling ‘all’s right with the world’ ended abruptly upon the receptionist’s quick assessment of health insurance coverage. No, this routine follow up visit isn’t covered. How curious this is because the hospitalization, surgery and care by the same doctor were covered in full!

Is a patient whose limbs are encased in fiberglass supposed to get out the hacksaw and remove the cast themselves? I decided it was ok to ask about office visit vs. hospital coverage. It seemed a legitimate question, and in consideration of waiting thirty-five minutes for the doctor to arrive, I could use up a few minutes of his schedule.

Asking the question yielded positive results. The young doctor was an enigma to me. Marie and I kidded each other about how he looked like a college student. Short in height, and with a light touch, he tended to the injured wrist and arm gingerly. The office didn’t bear his name and we wondered where in the scheme of this practice he was. We couldn’t find his name on the Internet! Was this doctor just out of medical school?

Dr. Coniglione, told us he had a four year old son who likes to talk. I urged him to enjoy the talking; time will pass quickly enough and then what may seem annoying will be but a memory. Coninglione informed us he kept a one-day-per-week schedule at the hospital called orthopedic clinic. That’s where we would be returning in four weeks to have the hot pink cast removed. By then we’d know if today’s clandestine visit would be covered. By then Marie’s hair would be permed and by then, her road to recovery will certainly be on a sure foot.

Undulate

2010-09-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

Emotions rise and fall like the feel of the wooden roller coaster at Quassy Amusement Park. The clickity clack ascent with its straining to go once more against gravity. The rush downward with a whoosh and appetite for speed. Which of the two is stronger? The descent seems more energized but then it has the weight driving its force. The climb upwards though, fully embodies the quality of strength, gathering every ounce of energy to go against what seems unnatural.

What makes emotions? When challenged, emotions are merely singular parts of an adrenalin reaction or goal - to get to the end, whatever that is. How one feels is of little consequence. Survival mode supersedes preferences for what we'd rather be doing and autopilot clicks into gear - there is no 'like' or otherwise.

Yet, when all is said and done and the piper got his due, then, and only then, can the observer inside wake to the peripheral feelings and consider the experience 'Am I having a good day; am I pleased with today; am I happy; or is being here aware (in the present moment), a sign of having made it through another day, satisfaction in and of itself?'

Getting used to the undulating movement of life takes some time getting used to. Maybe your whole life. Those 'highs' of meeting deadlines, self imposed or not, are guides to pay attention. Prepare for the lulls that may seem boring in contrast. But lulls quietly and steadfastly work to pick up the momentum to carry you to the next peak. Hang on and steady yourself for the ride.

Gotcha

2010-09-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

It's sweet. A rare occasion - my son and I wrestling, each trying to get the other out of a lock hold. My technique is to poke him in his skinny, flat belly. I know he'll loosen his grip if I get him just right. To see him smile,then break into laughter, with no indignation from my reminder to clean his room, is just total bliss.

I wonder how can I have more times like this? With the day seemingly full of chores and expectations, moments when we can just hang out and be free to celebrate being alive seems out of the ordinary. You can't plan for spontaneity can you?

We've eased up on trying to live the perfect life. The house is shelter, the home is the comfort we find in each other.

Magnanimity and Anniversaries

2010-09-05T08:53:00.000-07:00

Magnanimity is a big word and it takes a special kind of person to embody that character. Sure, generosity of spirit is a good trait too, but it's not the same thing.

Next weekend there are two fundraisers that make me think about things. Saturday, Sept.11th is TWIN ANGEL FOLK FEST being held at Southington, CT's Camp Sloper grounds. I first learned about Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) when I befriended Lisa Cote, organizer of the folk festival. She and her husband Jeffery Wilson lost twin boys as a result of TTTS (a disease of the placenta (or afterbirth) that affects identical twin pregnancies). The events in pregnancy that lead to TTTS are all random, TTTS is not hereditary or genetic, nor caused by anything the parents did or did not do, and TTTS can happen to anyone.

The second fundraiser is BOB VEILLETTE 5K ROAD RACE AND WALK Sunday, Sept. 12th is being held in Waterbury, CT. My former boss, Bob Veillette, suffered a stroke that left him with Locked-In Syndrome a rare neurological disorder characterized by complete paralysis of voluntary muscles in all parts of the body except for those that control eye movement. Dave Krechevsky, a colleague and organizer of Bob5k, runs this event so efficiently. It is a pleasure to work in tandem with him and co-organizers, daughter Stephanie Veillette Deluca and Alison Skratt, marketeer extraordinaire.

I am attending both events to loan support to new and old friends alike. This year, 2010, marks both events as a '5th Annual', and I can hardly believe where the time has gone. Thinking of how someone's life can change by occurrences not within our control is frightening. Responding to a sad circumstance in a loving way is inspiring.

The TWIN ANGEL FOLK FEST looks to be a great day of fun for all. With talented musicians, a BBQ and fun-filled activities for kids what's not to like? If you enjoy exercise consider coming out and participating in BOB VEILLETTE 5K ROAD RACE AND WALK. Whatever your ability - walking or running, just being there will make you feel more alive. The venue provides participants a chance to work out for a good cause - to help a fellow and former runner, in need.

Donations are being accepted for each of these events to assist families affected by TTTS and in Bob Veillette's case, to help with health care expenses associated with keeping Bob at home, where he wants to be.

To give of your self is quite a lovely thing to be part of. Celebrate in person or by donating to these two special events that embody the art of 'other'.

One Moment

2010-09-03T18:22:00.000-07:00

It's really important you read this. Marie, my mother-in-law, is lying in hospital bed recovering from a broken wrist and three facial bones.She simply fell while walking. Her shoe got snagged in a cement crevice and she lost balance. That's how quick your life changes - in one moment.

Now as we take up with sanitizing our hands during bedside hospital visits, and possible weeks of physical therapy ahead, we wonder, is this the point that defines 'before and after'? I think these thoughts taking into account Marie's age and gumption. She is of Czechoslovakian descent, a WWII Hitler era survivor, literally hiding in a hole during occupancy. She can make three meals from a bone. She is one tough cookie.

What softens my heart and strengthens my love for her is her oh, so strong, survival mechanism. Her wrist bone bent and broke through the skin.That she sat bleeding and collected her breathes after falling and then got up and walked home for help is brave. I would have sobbed at the first crimson drop.

I wonder what makes a person so strong? Is it perspective that gives them strength? Is it what Darwin called 'survival of the fittest'? In all fairness, what other reaction should one have to being in an accident? Gratitude for being alive, may be a good start.

Marie, I love you and am happy you didn't pass out. I'm happy you didn't break a hip or lose consciousness. All it takes is one moment of lost balance, hesitation, distraction, stroke, or a number of life changing events that will alter a course. Be safe in your actions, be wise in your response if possible. Life is precious - hang onto it as long as you can!

Lost In Technology

2010-08-29T19:24:00.000-07:00

A flurry of thoughts crowd my brain. Are they tweets, posts, wishes, impressions that will become memories or merely my self talking inwardly out loud? That's how it is now. A thought is no longer allowed to be free to be itself. Thinking has strings attached and they may be imaginary but nonetheless they are there.

If you are alive you are technologically attached to some fancy, schmancy electronic gadget of SOME SORT. If you are cool, as in hip, that gadget is equivalent to being 'hot' as in sexy.

The power this metal device has on your energy is overwhelming. The more you put into typing the less you actually do anything that needs to be done. Alright, I'll be fair and say that is how it is for me.

I need to walk away. Fold the laundry. Make the bed for Pete's sake. The dog needs to be walked. This is what I tell myself as minutes become hours. Computers sap the life force from me.

What I need is discipline. A Facebook diet. Keep 'sign in' time to a limit. Just like watching my calories - computer time needs to be kept in check. Any suggestions?

College Touring and Being In The Moment

2010-08-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

It's really here. The last weekend before dreaded 'Back To School'. And to bring that point home to Connor,my 16-year-old son, we spent the morning touring the first college he may eventually attend. I could hear agitation brewing in his exclamation, "Why did we have to come today when there's so much activity with students moving in?"

We explained in our dull parental way that we have no control over when colleges schedule tours. We only control our own availability. That seemed and sounded easy enough. What is not easy to fathom is the roller coaster ride of the next two years when his grades must maintain a high while his enthusiasm is seemingly low.

What is that part of an adolescent brain that makes them outwardly bored with their present situation? They know the main goal is to get good grades. Good grades = scholarship $$. Yet already an expert on his present situation, my son declares junior year will be hard but then senior year is a breeze.I beg to differ.... keep up the effort throughout any year!

All information so generously bestowed upon Connor by friends two years older, should be taken with a grain of salt.Those newbie college freshman have their own fish to fry, while Connor must realize NOW is when he should embrace the opportunity before him - to learn and not scuff at the work that lies ahead. Don't begrudge high school studies. They are the 'on your mark' beginning to the 'get set' college years.

Don't rush life. It comes at you quick enough. Your turn will come to be initiated into the next step that follows that too. The time of 'buckling down' and paying tons of bills is still off in the distance so enjoy student-hood!

Last Licks

2010-08-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

Summer countdown to the first day of school feels like squeezing every last drop of juice from a lemon.While the taste is sour the achievement is bittersweet.

While not a student myself, I too am trying to get tons done during a week off from 'the job'. A promise made to host my young niece coupled with two freelance assignments (not done), hopes of much needed housekeeping and a trip to the zoo all are making demands upon my misguided idea that I have free time.

Life is moving too fast. It used to be that during a day spent at home a lot could get done. Just navigating through emails takes way too much time. Why does it matter? Why does technology delude our sense of self? Technology is a hungry phenomenon demanding the most valuable thing that can be controlled - our time.

I want to leave it alone. Don't touch the mobile device, damn that app. A buzzer sounds through my purse letting me know something or someone contacted the address that represents me. Ninety percent of messages are junk mail. But the possibility of leads representing a paying job or interesting opportunity to make art is the hook that keeps you checking back. This doesn't seem wise, to waste so much time fishing ...wishing.

There's got to be a better way to savor a day...to have a moment that doesn't come with refresh, reply or a 'post' requirement!

Frances and Peanut at Dog Park, Southington CT.

A trip to the dog park was a good way to get some last licks in. My niece loved watching Peanut, our 10 year old beagle, make friends. Peanut was happy to simply smell the grass.

The 'romp' in full swing.

The laundry won't suffer from another day of pile.What may suffer is a relationship still forming between family. What a pleasure to see joy from a simple choice -claiming the moment for one's own.

It's All Relative

2010-08-23T16:34:00.000-07:00

You know you've been objectified when the only verbal exchange between you and the 'other' party is purely perfunctory. That kind of relating is a bore, and more so to discuss here. However, it raises the question - if you can't feel comfortable in a social setting, does it pay to attend?

Think of any situation that you may find yourself in that you'd rather not chat. A business meeting with team members that really aren't your cup of tea, a table set for ten at a wedding where you don't know anyone, a long distance flight alongside a stranger who starts up a conversation. What if the setting were a family function?

Is not wanting to contribute in a social setting a sign of introversion or snobbery? In the case of strangers distance seems natural, whereas withdrawing from family indicates knowing someone (being related) doesn't equate to a given level of comfort in connecting. This is most evident if the two parties are from different social strata. It's entirely possible that people from different 'walks of life' don't have a common ground and a more brutal reality - you simply don't like who you're related to!

Have you ever met someone that seems to take all the space in the conversation leaving little room for anyone else to speak, yet alone voice an opinion, thought or story? So many words come to mind in trying to define what that quality is. Is it needy, selfish, obnoxious, insecure, or monopolizing? I think it is a phenomenon I call 'attention quota' or lack thereof . Attention is the elixir that feeds that thirsty characteristic.

In a world where having the 'floor' in a conversation is analogous to being 'the star', an addicting self gratifying behavior is reinforced by constant status Facebook posts containing inane information that leaves 'friends' speechless.

What are the ties that bond a friendship? What constitutes a good debate? I always thought it was a space where all the players felt welcome to chime in. A place where not too much is invested in right or wrong answers but rather participation was the goal.

I don't like one-upmanship and prefer relating to friends, family or colleagues on equal playing grounds.What I do realize though, is that relationships if they are to be lasting and nourishing, are relative to one's desire to be in one. When ties come undone between relatives it doesn't matter what they once held. What matters is the present moment and a feeling of being valued in it, not a remembrance of something long gone.

Graphics Style

2010-08-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

I loved the feel of it. Sunday's New York Times package was heavy and that meant the style magazine was enclosed. On the cover Freida Pinto is gorgeous. Dark black hair frames her flawless face with big brown eyes that aren't blank look out towards the viewer. A hint of a smile makes me want to know more.

Inside this semi-glossy are pages of fall fashion that behoove me. I know I can't afford any of the stylish garments modeled on scarce looking female figures. That realization I've learned to live with. What I have never adopted though are the looks of the clothes. They are an anomaly. Layers upon layers in exaggerated form are piled onto an impeccably made-up models in 'Going Places - Been There Bought That' layout.

A concept described as 'A woman who travels the world and wears her souvenirs on her sleeves. Think of it as fashion without borders.' The outfits are cleverly named after real places infused with a fashionista-lingo. Is it just me who interprets this as some kind of inside joke?

The facial expression on model wearing 'MESSYPOTAMIA' outfit is somewhat exasperated. I can almost feel the weight of the garments and what must be a constant trickle of perspiration underneath. No amount of air conditioning would cool these gals under what I'm sure are hot lights.

From a photography perspective I like the angles. The length of Tony Burch suit jacket is shorter, as high as the waist. It is cut with an outward flair and emphasizes boyish, slim hips, and a flattish rear end and abdomen. Oh to have that kind of figure! Not made for the majority of women in mind, I'm sure.

While the photography is beautiful throughout the entire magazine, I get the feel of a concept through the 'FACE' layout. Maybe it is the graphic I enjoy. Taking different elements in 'TREND SPOTTING' shows how to achieve runway makeup looks from minimal to high definition. A red colored swatch combined with a brush drawing alongside the model wearing product appear accessible. Although it is entirely possible the page was produced digitally, (those brush strokes look too Photoshop familiar), it still gives the feel of 'hands on' or 'hand done'. That is appealing!

The style section came at an opportune time. Today is the last day in Connecticut's tax-free week. Clothing purchases under $300 are not charged sales tax. It's off to the mall for back-to-school clothes for my son. Skinny jeans are on the must-have list and for once I can afford them!

Pleasure Subjective

2010-08-19T18:59:00.000-07:00

I found my paradise. Some would agree and others will think I'm crazy. It's a time of day when nothing matters except the next breath. It's a place where I feel safe to be in my own skin, placing one foot in front of the other in rhythmical extension. My skin comes alive and reacts to the atmosphere by giving moisture in return.

The streets hum with traffic and my body keeps time. Running awakes thoughts and they flutter inside my brain. I hope to remember a phrase that seems perfect as each leg lands upon the earth. All I recall later is an image of what my energy must've looked like, and I wonder, why does that picture spring to mind?

The concept of pleasure resulting from expenditure is satisfying. It seems to fitting - putting effort into living and feeling what comes from that. Oh - I have a muscles after all!

Running on the track is good for the feet. The soft surface is good cushioning and the laps make for easy time keeping. The numbers help too, in counting the distance. For each turn shift over one, then remembering how many you've run isn't an issue.

Where is your favorite place to exercise? The gym, pool or trail? Doesn't matter where you do it, but does matter that you do it! Nike hit the nail on the head with their catchy phrase, 'Just Do It'! Exercise is a good thing for more than the body. It feeds the spirit and as long as I can, I'm going keep moving.

Good Times On The Cheap

2010-06-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

The weekend is finally here and the challenge is how not to spend a week's worth of earnings in two days. Not easy. These days the treadmill of income vs. expenses is moving rapidly in the latter and at a snail's pace in the former.

Jeez how the heck do I budget for a rainy day, pay for the music lessons, pay for my kid to mow, dole out bucks socializing, food, and not break the cracking point in the 'piggy bank'? Budgeting has helped at least to see where every dollar is spent. Budgeting also accomplishs squirreling greenbacks into a fund that is surprisingly growing. The hard part comes Tuesday or Wednesday of the following week. Just about when one more pasta dish is actually hard to choke down. Coming from an Italian girl that is truly an indicator of spreading the starch a little thin!

Two activities that use a big chunk of time and don't cost anything are riding bicycles and running. Both can be done with equipment already owned and result in feeling little energy to do much else! Another great trick if the urge to spend becomes too strong is garage sales. I couldn't believe a great buy recently of DVDs at $1.00 each. For five bucks we had a week's worth of entertainment and didn't even fall asleep during the show! With no commercials we were able to watch the movies to the end and better yet we even talked about them afterwords!

At the risk of sounding cheapish I felt accomplished for having gotten through a pay period without using the credit card. Even more thrilling was the conversation I shared with my son, a rarity for his age of 15-soon-to-be-16 and going on 40, and me 52 and going on 90 mentally.

I treasure the free flowing associations we shared of our own interpretation of scenes from Synecdoche.

I could not have planned a better exchange than what took place discussing how Catherine Keener's character Adele Lack, was indeed lacking in empathy and emotion. This was the highlight of my day today - to be able to talk to my kid about emotions and that we both could relate! Now that is truly a good time on the cheap that is priceless!

RUNNING: How do I knee’d thee? Let me count the ways…

2010-06-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

It’s humid at 12:00 noon today and I’m attempting to run after missing a few days. Why I wonder does this activity hook your psyche as it does?

Bugs, heat, hissing snakes, and potholes are items in passing on a three-mile back road. Gasps for air and perspiration trickling down my forehead are the sounds and sensations I feel as a too close whooshing truck speeds by. Jeez - are these the benefits of running?

Nah, not quite. What ‘running’ has given me is a refrain from monotony, a dedicated time that I’m not on the computer, and quite possibly a sense of health and well being. I don’t hold the activity hostage to a competitive mindset but rather applaud the effort each and every time. Luckily my knees haven’t been affected by the pounding yet. When and if the knees start talking to me then I suppose something else will be substituted for running.

Since exercising regularly my body seems to have remembered and queued into timing. Feeling tired at the end of a day instead of staying awake night after night is a good thing. The body has its rhythm back and that is worth repeating - it’s a VERY good thing!

For me working out is not so much an effort to lose weight but rather a feeling of staying the course. It feels like equilibrium and wellness defined. With that comes a desire to eat better foods too. How can you go wrong? Every effort you make toward building a consistent routine - stretching, aerobics, yoga, running, and intake of foods and water, yields rich returns to your psyche that you can achieve goals.

Read this article published in Sunday's New York Times that talks about the metabolic effects from physical activity and how it helps with stabilizing blood sugar and lowering levls of fatty acids:
http://tinyurl.com/39et8qr.
What’s the old saying - health is wealth? I truly believe the answer to that is - most definitely!

Salt Wounds

2010-06-16T13:22:00.000-07:00

What hurts more? The abdominal stitch that started about a mile into my run or the sharp sting on the back of my neck once I stopped? It was a hard call to make. I didn't realize how much my skin burned until the sweat started a sting fest.

The stitch was expected... eating too close to running will do that. The neck thing took me by surprise. My stylist must've got just a nick too friendly trimming my locks. Luckily, I didn't eat Chinese otherwise I'd really be hurting from the salty wounds.

Never Never Land

2010-06-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

No I'm not writing about Michael Jackson. It's about having a sixteen year-old son who doesn't want to share an experience with me. As a parent I am conflicted. Do I pry, do I insist, or do I honor the person, the man, he is becoming?

Those are thoughts about what I should do. Then there are thoughts that define the way it makes me feel. Anger, for one. Loss for another.

He says it's not about anything 'wrong' that happened. No drugs, no bullying. Something happened that he wanted to muddle through, to figure out by himself.

Is it different with daughters? Do they disclose more with their mothers? Whatever it was with my son, it wasn't a son-mother thing because he didn't share it with his father. At least I'm not singled out for being female. It does leave me with a disconnected feeling though. Too many things are happening quickly and the emotional stuff is like the icing on the cake. It's the way of knowing the person...and not knowing is, well, not knowing.

Navigating through a moral issue is where I thought parents are supposed to step up to the plate. That's the kind of opportunity a mom waits for...to then give guidance and perhaps take some part in shaping the child who is quickly becoming a fully formed person, foible and all.

I've entered a Never Never Land, a quicksand of sorts with my kid. I know he's his own guy. But I fear as soon as he's got keys to the wheels that await him ... I may never know him again.

One Step Forward - Two Steps Back

2010-05-31T23:37:00.000-07:00

I thought I was ahead of the game. Shooting an impromptu assignment less than one mile from home. I had two camera bodies and several lenses for each. My plan was to use one long lens for close up expressions and with the second camera, a wide angle to capture the crowd and ceremony. Well the universe had another plan in mind.

The Nikon is busted, with the shutter opening half way and freezing up. It's a first for me...on the job with one body down. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have two cameras. So off with the dead weight with a dash to the car to unload.

The ceremony was held in direct sunlight with no shelter. The guests appeared as splotches of white shapes through my viewfinder. They looked funny sitting there with their sun glassed black eyes staring back at me. My exposures were hard to balance with bright light and fill. Praise be God of pixels,PhotoShop, I will rely on you to loan some tonal values and moral support!

Now I remember why I don't advertise. The stress isn't worth the check in the mail. Oh...so much mental work to be done..to right this tug of wanna be war?

Relief

2010-05-27T13:47:00.000-07:00

Blogs are wonderful outlets to have - a place where thought processes and a means to which they can be expressed can find a home. Blogging at the very least offers a relief from a doubting mind. Case in point, I work in a company that touts themselves as ‘communications experts’. Now it may be my nagging observant self that is the culprit, but as a unit of this ‘expert team’, I feel inept.

I edit pictures, video and words whose purpose is to illustrate the right way to do everything from eating, to sitting to driving. There are messages on how to interact with colleagues. These seemingly innocuous tales of ‘play nice in the sandbox’ all look great on paper. Eye-catching brightly colored photographs paired with text depict happy resolutions to gloomy situations.

Two things happen when I read these workplace communication materials. First, I wonder, how realistic are the suggested outcomes? Will following offered tips really change the human nature aspect of working alongside rude or self-important people? Secondly, where does safety factor into the equation for a worker with an untied shoelace?

Being a visual person I honestly respect the power of a compelling image. I am a sucker for a sad story and wince easily at anything bloody. What prompts a reaction from me usually happens when something affects me directly.

Today I allowed someone’s behavior to impact my mood. It was simply, a reaction. I got a request to send files to another department and was not acknowledged in any way after delivering the goods after a power outage and attempts to 'communicate' what was happening. Common courtesy is too much for some ignorant people.

What a relief it is to realize a reaction to a situation can be tempered into a more common feeling: dislike. When that change happens the feeling of being put off is replaced by anger and sadness. That is a lot healthier than inept. So much for being part of the communication experts.

Flawed

2010-05-22T04:54:00.000-07:00

It just hit me. Not as hard as Patrick Dempsey's character (Derek Shepherd) felt the bullet right to his chest during the season finale. The face-to-face stand off between Shepherd and shooter gone awry, Michael O' Neill playing Mr. Clark, was the scene all horror led up to.

Clark has snapped after his wife's death resulting from Shepherd's decision to pull the plug. Not a political act of terrorism but rather a personal vendetta, Clark pursues Dereck killing anyone who isn't nice to him along the way - point blank.

When killer and doctor recognize why events led to their confrontation is when Dempsey delivers the goods. He responds to Clark and the barrel of gun aimed directly at him calmly. Unlike any normal reaction of panic, Dr. Shepherd knows he is facing death square in the face. The dialogue is exquisite. Shepherd responds to Clark's declaration of love and regret for wife's death by simply stating "I am flawed".

Three words cut through layers of emotion like a surgeon's knife. Then Shepherd empathizes with Clark and tells him he's a good man who lost his way. I'm blown away by the exchange and all is lovely until frenzied intern shouts from behind throwing the hard earned equilibrium off between the two men.

Gunshot, blood and tears ensue. Hey this is entertainment and on it goes until the next buildup. But those three simple words, "I am flawed" are something to remember.

Energy Hog

2010-05-18T03:18:00.000-07:00

What a colossal waste. Man in dry cleaners chatting it up with owner while his truck sits empty outside idling loudly for ten minutes. I notice this as I wait my turn and endure the aimless conversation and steady vibration of horsepower from my feet right up to my ears. Isn't the price of gasoline climbing now that summer approaches?

Not one hour later I pull into the bank parking lot to get some dough from the ATM machine. The bank is open and the lot is full. To my left I see a woman texting on her mobile while her car is turned on idling. OK, so she's doing the right thing and not multi-tasking while driving. That's good. I enter the lobby and retrieve my greenbacks and to my surprise, this chick sits head down as though in prayer, and is still engaged in rapid finger movements. Must be a lengthy 'conversation'. Ten minutes have passed and so too, has gas from her car that is surely busy keeping her ass warm!

Is it me or does this seem wasteful? Isn't this analogous to leaving the phone charger plugged in to outlet and nothing more? The meter is ticking folks and your dollars are being sucked out of your 'in' basket right to gasoline company coffers. So much for progress on being or thinking green!

ENERGY HOG

Dull Ache

2010-05-15T07:25:00.000-07:00

There it is again. The same ache, lower left side of abdomen, only this time if goes through and through to my back and leg. Where the heck did it come from? A recent run? Remains from surgery?

Dare I think of the possibility it may be a straggler piece of gauze, an instrument perhaps, that remains inside? This familiar pain is what came after the fibroid/s were removed. Trade one problem in for another. Is that the way it goes?

Been trying to get better for three years. For the most part there is an improvement but it is a compromised one. Back to square one and a call to doctor so at least I can be reassured by a professional that I'm not crazy but just have to find ways to get friendly with a dull ache.

News Byte That Bites

2010-05-12T16:16:00.000-07:00

It was just a flashing quip on the evening news. Murder-suicide in North Haven, CT. The announcement didn't shock me as much as the last words of the 'news byte'. Thomas and Joan Vanacore each died of a gunshot wound to the head. The couple had their share of sorrow burying a son killed in Sept.11th terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center. What felt particularly sad was hearing Thomas, main caregiver for wife of 38 years and who suffered from Alzheimer’s disease, was most likely absent in the marriage.

Thomas suffered too, from late-stage lung and bone cancer. It seems obvious now his emotional pain was more than he could bear.To take a life is to have reached the bottom. Pain can hurt more than disease.

Then it flashed. A beautiful photo of the youngest son, Edward Vanacore, 29. He had thick brown hair and deep brown eyes. He looked like he was... a person with their whole life ahead of them.

How sad for that man, the father and husband, it must have been. If I dare to think about an ache here or there, I have only to hear of another tragedy far worse than my own trivial meandering:

http://www.nhregister.com/articles/2010/05/12/news/metro/aa1_north_haven_murdicide_folo051210.txt

Darn It

2010-05-10T18:51:00.000-07:00

I said it didn't matter. DOES IT? I'm not running to compete. I jog in pure Nike form to 'just do it'. But somewhere between an idle trot and the finish line a revelatory flash went off. I beat my last race time! Have to admit I was thrilled:
Run Like A Mother 5K Results

In hindsight, I wished I'd actually raced instead of stopping as I do when I get tired. Can't seem to 'power through' the discomfort. I've always liked the idea of LSD. That way I can feel good about the distance and not care about the time.

All of a 'not care' attitude dissipates when the clock is ticking in a road race. Of course, the presence of slower competitors falsely makes you feel as though you did your best. Somehow, I know I could have done better had I not worked so hard at not caring.

When all is said and done, it's the flow I'm after. Nothing more, nothing less. Those elusive moments when one foot passes the other without a pinching, cramping or crunching sensation. When the feeling of a singular moment lasts past achy thoughts

Haven't seen any weight loss so it's not the exercise that will accomplish that.That would have been too easy. Caloric intake is the next challenge looming ahead that has to be approached with care.

Wanted Morning Fix

2010-05-06T14:00:00.000-07:00

Earlier is better. As a general rule this is true for most things. I’m trying to psyche myself to running in the morning for a few reasons.

The smell. Traffic increases with the hour and with that, emissions are not what I want to breathe in when I’m gasping for oxygen. Accomplishment - ah to have the deed done before the roar of routine rushes in…and bringing with it, demands on time.

For me exercise is about doing not competing with others. Inevitably, to keep it interesting competition against self arises. Can I beat yesterday’s time? Can I run beyond the furthest to date?

Lately my goal is to find flow. It seems a soon to be 53-year-old body doesn’t respond the same way as same body did twenty years prior. Everything about exercise takes longer. Improvement seems elusive and yet checking the time for a four-mile run still prompts surprise at results.

Running isn’t as effortless as swimming, my first choice minus the chlorine. There afloat, the body loses sense of itself while gurgling and swishing sounds mute out breathing. Pressure feels different when you’re weightless.

A different kind of pressure is that I place on self when exercising. It's got to be done whether you feel like it or not. Sunday I'll run a 5k:

I'm not in it against anyone but rather as a way to nurture the body as ironic as that sounds. A little effort goes a long way baby and it does after all have to be about self.

Growing Pains

2010-04-26T18:17:00.000-07:00

I know it's hard. Being young is no small feat. Nowadays you have to have equipment to be cool. Cell phone, text plan, laptop, gizmos, gadgets galore. It's not enough to have street smarts - you have to have the mouth to beat everyone else to the punch.

Look how fast Myspace took back burner to Facebook and Twitter. Does anyone really care?

Time is racing by quicker than you can take it in. One moment you are in the thick of a mosh pit, the next, mosh is old. Who cares about sweat when the race for a driving permit beckons. Wheels...freedom from parents and endless monologues. It is that, a one-way verbal dribble.

Don't run so fast through the teen years. They are sweet impressions of who you will become. Savor the struggle and embrace the challenge of the next test. Education is cool - it is the very backbone that supports your hopes and dreams.

Connect with your parents - they are your number one supporters. If you happen to have a set who haven't had the chance to work out their own emotional growth - hang in there. Surround yourself with friends who will love you for your own lovely self. Reach for the good in life, in others and in yourself!

Sound Of One Hand Slapping

2010-04-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

Is it me? A quick slap across the face shocks me especially when it's from sister to brother. The circumstances don't soften the blow. Older sister,12 or 13, loses patience with kid brother, 10, whose history of needy attention classified with Asperger syndrome, or autism, seemed to me like an unwarranted behavior in its own right.

I watched and reacted immediately by speaking my first thought, "No". Big sister is admonished but brother is given no comment other than instruction to remove himself from restaurant table and go to the bathroom. While I cannot speak to living with someone whose behavior isn't 'typical', and who can be nerve challenging, I can speak to the actions and reactions during a family meal.

Our dinner conversation had its typical amount of 'catching up' amongst two families who hadn't seen each other for a few months. There didn't seem to me to be too much clamoring for attention even from my youngest cousin.

The exchange of information had its usual controlled rhythm directed by the person who initiated the meeting as I listened to a bounty of recent travel tales and upcoming summer opportunities.

I wondered about the loss of patience on a daily basis. Does therapy come into play for siblings who live with a family member who needs more? A tangled web of needs arise within my cousin's family. My only comment is to reflect back to the parents the very processes they've undertaken to teach social skills and offer outlets to embrace challenges. I cringe at the sound of one hand slapping.

It's Been Awhile

2010-04-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

Eight a.m. run this morning is a first for me in awhile. I'm talking a long while - like decades. I'd like to pound the pavement upon rising but I'm typically busy getting the body vertical.

Running time is measured in sidewalk strides, mile markers, and breathes. I'm not too interested in speed per say. The goal this morning was simply to 'do it'. Didn't go as far as I'd like, only 2.4 miles, and I can't say how long it took. I've abandoned wearing a watch (for lack of time to get new battery) and it feels slightly liberating! The jog wasn't too painful. Each .8 mile lap I got further before stopping. That was good but not stopping would be better. I still haven't been able 'power through'. How can I achieve some of these goals:

1) Run longer intervals
2) Run longer distance
3) Increase endurance
4) Run further in less time

When is best to eat and what to eat (protein) before the workout? I ran this morning on one cup of coffee that I drank twenty minutes before. Should it have been a wedge of cheese instead? Can any runners weigh in on this? Any advice is much appreciated!

Spring Fling

2010-04-12T13:49:00.000-07:00

The day beckoned me to come out early right from the start. I walked the dog in my pajamas and ran inside to grab the camera.

I saw two inch hosta buds reaching for the sky and seemed to beg for my attention. Surrounded by the remains of last falls' leaves the buds were tightly wound. Touching them I could feel life within. They were strong and defiant.

I wanted to capture that moment of life emerging from a still hard earth. Caught between an emotion of joy to see growth and guilt for not clearing the way I chose visual instead of physical (as in raking out the beds).

I wish I could use Photoshop to clone myself. There would be one of me cleaning, one of me making art, one of me running to keep the body fit, one of me tending to the laundry, and one of me to tidy up the house. I would be adept at multi-tasking and get everything done instead of making choices only to have some things fall behind. That wouldn't be so bad if it didn't come with a veil of guilt upon seeing a pile of papers, and last year's leaves covering up the life beneath them.

I want to be like the hosta - strong and defiant. I want to welcome the many things to do not begrudgingly, but with gratitude for my ability to do those things.

A spring fling to photograph a moment in time isn't too consuming. As long as the mental energy doesn't get drained for doing so. A quote that helps me to remember this is:

You don't become good by trying to be good but by finding the goodness that is already within you. - Eckhart Tolle

Shrink Fit

2010-04-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

Got to thinking about tight spaces while climbing into panty hose this morning. This maneuver is a lot like performing calisthenics only without the gym lighting.

Did you ever feel like you're in a tight space mentally? With so much access to so much information, it may seem answers to questions are just a mouse click away. Reaching out to network seems like an easy answer, but in fact causes me more anxiety.

I think this happens in one of two ways. At first landing on a community site, time is needed to allow for
acclimating to the interface. After looking at posts or artwork, my purpose is quickly over taken by impressions of the content facing me.

Where does the first anxious thought go then? It recedes into my head and grows stronger. Why? Because I'm reminded of all the things I need to do to be as good as what I've just digested. Great art, intelligent blog posts, snazzy web site designs.

There I said it! All the "stuff" I need to do, or at least what I perceive as "need" lies at my finger tips. What doesn't reside there is time.

Time, or lack there of, is a precious commodity. To have a better public persona, time is needed to make art, have discoveries, and then to process it all in a desirable and up to date visual format.

Is there a place that I could get some time? Is shrinking an answer? Shrink in the psychological sense? Talking to an objective outsider might help. Talking is good - isn't that what the whole underlying purpose of connecting is about?

Good Hair Day

2010-03-28T10:47:00.000-07:00

It's official. Spring arrived and with it the desire to tidy up. Hair balls claim your last hurrahs because the time has come for opening windows and Swifter action.

As a pet owner I am blessed with unending devotion. As a home owner the same devotion translates into hard wood floors that collect tufts of beagle hair as steadily and systematically as I pay bills. By the time I see a hair ball I know I know I've waited too long to lug out the Eureka.

My groomer must know this all too well. Her livelihood depends on hair growth and schedules of bathing, clipping, trimming and primping. When Peanut returns from his 'Rags to Riches' appointments he smells fresh and he walks with a pep in his step. I think he likes it! I learned he enjoys baths, much to my surprise. When ever I've tried to hose him down he runs scarred for his life.... could it be the cold water? I always thought that he would appreciate the cold water on a hot summer day. Who knew dogs like humans have their pet peeves!

A good hair day is getting the treatment from Charlotte at Rags to Riches pet salon. How lucky our furry friends are to be pampered to and the like!

Refrigerator Economics

2010-03-26T08:16:00.000-07:00

Here's a starting place to get my house in order. I'm not talking throwing out moldy food. I'm talking budgetary order. Why a does refrigerator come to mind?

A long time ago I was an idealistic struggling freelancer and the fridge kept my meals simple. Only enough food for a single day was kept inside the barren beast. Daily life consisted of working or looking for work. It seemed riveting at the time. The prize of gaining experience assisting elite and established photographers might pave the way for my own photography career.

Five years of setting up strobes, running film back and forth to Baboo or Duggal for clip tests, and being around pretty people or sometimes a celeb or two was exciting. By the end of the fifth year I had not gained enough traction for my own work. I took a detour to graduate school to pursue tangible employment goals.

One year into a social research program and lo and behold, my past comes at me in the form of an old photography buddy. Tom Berg shares with me an offer for lucrative darkroom work for New York Newsday. I became immersed in the newspaper's addicting adrenalin rushes of chasing demons and deadlines.

Twelve years ensued at Newsday of which the roller coaster ride of daily newspaper publishing took many turns.From playing in wet developer and fixer to Adobe Photoshop 2.0 and subsequent versions later, I thrived in the digital realm of pagination and image tweaking.

Now I find myself staring at the refrigerator remembering when Larry came into my life. He made more money than I did. He couldn't believe the scarcity of a single yogurt as my sustenance. He fed me. During our courting we kept a balance sheet of money owed one another (or me him) held by a magnet to the fridge.

Our 'fridge' tally got lost in our marriage and what was once his or mine became us and ours. Now twenty years and counting I regard the 'fridge' as a cornerstone to order. We've started a tally once again. Only this time it's to pay ourselves from looming credit card debt and interest rates that are frightening.

What sense is it to pay high rates for credit purchases? We're lucky to have some dough to do what Suze Orman would say is a smart 'clean sweep'. By eliminating debt and paying ourselves back I'm hoping to keep the inside shelves of the refrigerator stocked with enough food to feed a teenage son and ourselves healthily.

The saying 'you are what you eat' has some psychological weight too. Financial well being is as wise a goal as nutrition is to diet, and for that I am grateful. Budget, bring it on!!!

Words and Order

2010-03-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

Tagging the wail or sporks and foons might sound funny to you. Those very words make me laugh too, especially after hearing them in that as they leave my mouth in that order. Am I losing it? Is it time to get tested for the unknown disease lurking inside my brain? Or is fatigue, multitasking and texting in abbreviated form beginning to take a toll on my verbal ability?

I'm researching my 'word tripping' symptoms to see if I should be concerned.Another layer, another page - WebMD here I come. If I were walking I'd be alarmed by now.

More and More is Less and Less

2010-03-07T03:41:00.000-08:00

Lately an overabundance of great talent is available EVERYWHERE. This is evident in unemployment numbers irregardless of sector. Whether or not Bernie Maddoff made off with tons of other people's money or 'creative' mortgage companies over-funded under-qualified home buyers or the SEC didn't enforce regulations - these are but a few reasons on the short list of why we are where we are - job wise.

Another more widespread and encompassing cause of not enough jobs to go around is the idea that technology has filled those spots that would have otherwise been occupied by someone. Think back to the early days on on-line banking and ATM usage. At first more were skeptical about security issues but over time the ease of use replaced fears and convenience won out. Along with convenience, teller jobs took a hit and customer fees have increased.

I'm not saying anything new that hasn't been said in any financial report. I am saying that technology has also created fierce competition to specific industries. One of those industries is photography. Digital technology has created a pedestrian photographer phenomenon and downright hurt high end professionals that have traditionally earned thousands for weddings and advertising work.

A simple supply and demand relationship explains why so many compete for so little in paying assignment work. It scares me but doesn't stop me from doing what I've always done - make images. Whether they sell or not I still look for the chance to make art or tell a story.

'Workplace Communications'

2010-02-26T08:15:00.000-08:00

It happens to everyone. Click SEND to email message or post an update and the expectation rises. A response, comment, or retweet are favorable outcomes of choice. No response doesn't feel so good but hey, you get used to it in this digital age of social networking. The days of 'You've Got Mail' and the excitement over being connected are long gone - replaced by spam, ubiquitous rss feeds and in general an overload of stuff even from those you called 'friends'.

It's an entirely different matter when work related messages are ignored. We all do it - collective editing. We pick and choose those messages that will get our attention and then get busy with the delete button for those not worthy of a look. However, when you're performing a job function, and request 'please confirm receipt', and don't get it, that's when it happens. A pet peeve is born and if you're not careful it could grow into a full blown resentment.

Is courtesy a causality in the age of workplace electronic communications? What ever happened to follow through to those we work with? Aren't our peers our first line of true 'customer service'? When we don't remember or choose not to communicate and relegate everything to 'SEND' then, even that gesture, becomes automated. You can't just assume because something is in writing that it was communicated.

I suggest prioritizing messages between those you work with. Step out of the cubicle and say hello. If a behavior bothers you try changing it by simply approaching it. Make verbal contact with the recipient about the missed response. Let the person know you missed hearing back. Make the ENTER button an action item. The only way to make your world more comfortable is to take part in shaping it.

Mind's Eye

2010-02-20T13:50:00.000-08:00

What a day. Sun shining brightly - temperature 46 degrees. Or at least that's what my Subaru gauge read. After what felt like an eternal time since I last ran, I laced up my New Balance sneaks and headed for the pavement.

It felt good to breath in rhythm to each stride. I noticed to my dismay my first 'marker' was missing. Markers are my end goal in the jogging game I play. I set a sight about a quarter mile distance out and run towards that end. I can't stop till I get there. Once I get close I run toward the goal and feel rewarded when I actually get there!

That first marker, the one I look forward to seeing, was a gorgeous weeping willow tree. Long flowing branches often appeared to be dancing in time with a wind that intertwined around its many hanging 'arms'.

I liked to imagine lying down at its base while swishing branches crossed the skin. Would it tickle? Would it smell green?

It was gone and in it's place was a hole. It felt like a piece of the earth had simply vanished. I wondered if I had mistaken the corner and looked to the distant intersection. Then I saw it. A fresh and neatly cut tree stump, reddish in color and squiggly in shape was all that remained of that glorious specimen.

I wonder why was it removed? The only reasonable explanation I could think of was it was too big for its location. What a shame. In my mind's eye I could still see it towering in place, owning that corner of the earth.

More and more there is less and less. We take what we can from the earth because it is convenient or because, we say, something impedes our existence. I'm sorry that something of beauty has been gobbled up by a human appetite that seems insatiable.

'Spay Day Online Pet Photo Contest'

2010-02-12T13:37:00.000-08:00

I always loved Peanut from the moment we spotted him at the pet store. He was shy and stayed to himself. I attributed this quality to him as 'being his own dog' literally. Ten years old and he still keeps to himself mostly. If he senses he's being made fun of - he politely retrieves to any one of his pillows and waits out the storm.

Doesn't he still look puppy adorable?

The Humane Society is sponsoring a 'Spay Day Online Pet Photo Contest' to benefit and animals and help make the world a better place for them. See link below for more information:
Photo Contest Human Society

Inspired By The Light and Ann Nyberg

2010-02-11T18:24:00.001-08:00

Chanel Eight News anchor Anne Nyberg was commenting on how she carries a camera with her to work. I do too, but not all the time. I always see great stuff when I don't have my camera and have started lugging it around. I was grateful tonight because the sky was like a colored canvas. Deep, rich swatches of orange, blue, pink and purple. Which is your favorite?

Dusk Transition - DynaLight:
http://ping.fm/eWnMp

Familial Musing

2010-02-04T04:44:00.000-08:00

An age old question, 'What is Art' was topic for conversation during last night's chauffeuring son to music lesson. I find our dialogue most interesting and his fifteen-year old mind is as equally questioning as my fifty-two year old curiosity.

We pondered the loss of understanding of say a blank black box (or white) with a single line or dot within, or no other markings for that matter. It was fun to access it might be 'minimalist' but still we wondered, was it the art of marketing that gets some work museum status, or is it a more welcoming thought, art can be anything?

Is the image above one or two images? If you said two, which one is more interesting? Where does the white end? At the first thin line or end of shape? Is it off center, or just right? Would you pay money to see this in a museum or hang in your home or office?

Perhaps it's timing. Or networking Is the artist in the right place at exactly the right time, knowing the curator or the submission process and meeting deadlines with requirements intact? It very well may be all things mentioned here - timing, networking, and many additional 'thing's like perception, economy, longing, lust, technique, education, impression, and the list goes on.

I do know the act of creativity is fun. My son and I agreed if making art is fulfilling to the artist, that in and of itself, is rewarding. The topic of art and making money at art is a separate discussion....to be continued.

Interesting Mix

2010-01-23T14:42:00.000-08:00

Just came back from 'Fresh Pics' a group show at Ridgefield Guild of Artists. Nice collection of work that provokes me to connect with curator Camilla Cook an artist consultant.

The business of making art requires vision, creativity, passion and stick to it-tiveness.The business of making a living as artist is quite something else. Art as commodity requires an enormous amount of organization, good writing skills, marketing to name only a few components.

When all is said and done a photograph or any form of expression relies on an audience to reflect back on the message. Without that, a song, illustration, or performance is just a solitary indulgence of a train of thought. Hopefully the price of a professional consultation isn't too steep.

Camilla Cook, center, describes artwork under glass.

In Whose Opinion

2010-01-17T08:14:00.000-08:00

Here we go. Not one week after Haiti earthquake and here comes the criticism over how inept the rescue mission is going so far. The media thrives on espousing negative 'press' and I wonder why does this country even bother to extend itself when the establishment use every effort as grist for their own material mill?

What is a realistic expectation? Obama reacted quickly and it certainly is not his personal fault if the roads are blocked and the airport cannot accommodate all the traffic descending upon the area. Jake Tapper questioned Bill Clinton and George W. Bush this morning on 'This Week' asking what have we learned from previous disasters? Both men responded with similar assessments saying organization is paramount to getting the help dispersed where it is most needed - housing and communication. Instead of focusing on an outburst incident why not focus on the progress that is taking place?

I know it's the job of news organizations to report what is happening but it really irks me when the negative is given seemingly preference over the enormous amount of positive events taking place. Yes positive. I know it's hard to imagine in the wake of so much destruction that things can be positive, but there are survivors. Sure the numbers aren't very high, but considering the event, that is what it's all about - getting help to survivors in time.

I don't like hearing about the people that almost made it. Like the eleven year old girl who after being pinned down and finally dug out did not survive because her injury required medical help that was not close enough.

That is a sad story. My heart goes out to the family but she was attended to by whatever means was available. Surely it is to be expected that no matter how swift the U.S. responded there will be many who don't make it. It is the nature of total destruction coupled with preexisting undeveloped means that many more will die.

I'm asking myself how I could be of more help. I've offered my home to a friend whose relatives are now part of a population that is fighting for basic needs. My offer will most likely be unaccepted because my friend's cousin will stay exactly where he is to be of help to those so in need around him. That is character. That is strength. That is resolve. I only hope this cowboy gets what he needs.

Haiti Needs Help

2010-01-14T16:29:00.000-08:00

I sit in the comfort of home watching the Haiti devastation unfold before me. Rescue missions are being deployed to help get earthquake victims out of sandwiched concrete. There's much talk of lack of water and medicine. It's so sad to see people so needy with little help in site. I hope the marines get there in time for people hanging on for dear life.

Social websites have made giving easier - no longer need to speak to an operator. Corporations donating millions ....Hollywood players organizing a give-a-thon.... this is the good that people display in times of need. This is the way things should be all the time....

Would-be adoptive parents wonder if their children will survive the disruption of the quake that has destroyed the orphanage's office. The children were moved to a church but now paperwork destroyed how will they reunite?

The photos start to trickle in over the web and I wish I had the means to do more than a monetary donation. I can't leave my job, my family and Peanut at the moment. In the meantime money will help buy water and drugs - here's how you can donate:
Text HAITI to 90999.

Old is New Again

2010-01-09T05:11:00.000-08:00

Does art age? Not in the sense of a time clock starting with the completion of works, but in the sense of a viewer's experience. I used to think my earlier photography wasn't as good as what I produce now. In showing work, a voice inside my head would say, "That was before I knew how to ......(fill in the blank)". Some weird justification would save me from anticipated lack of interest.

Now I think that anything ever produced can't be explained away or framed for the viewer in a context that they can't know. Yes it's true a description of 'early works' seems to classify art but does that make it less than what comes after?

I think age shouldn't come into art. Let the viewer interpret or decide what to think. That's what I think now. I don't know if that will change. Most likely it will. In the meantime, starting with oldest to newest here's a peek:
Feedback is welcomed!

Hurry hurry

2010-01-03T07:59:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday Jan. 3, 2010 and the last day to play! What a great few days home from work and school - a necessary reprieve from the 'grind'. I did some thinking about things I'd like to do, did some, others not.

Didn't really think I'd whirlwind through the time off and clean house, organize mess that resides inside computer, run every day (it was awfully cold) and transform myself into the person I'd like to be.

When it comes to things I don't like about my life I realized they aren't so bad. Maybe every exchange I have with others isn't so satisfying in the sense of information gaining or even just plain getting 'it' whatever that is. Career wise, am I where I'm supposed to be? Perhaps given the state of the world and local (and nationwide) economy. What makes all this mental measuring so comforting is simply recognizing and taking into account the contrast between what pet peeves are and the reality of the hard times many people are encountering.

Health issues are utmost on my mind. Honestly, making an effort to be kind to the body is of great importance. It's no longer a choice to be negotiated. It has to be done. How you treat your health determines how healthy you will be. Yes I know it sounds like a cliche, but it is the truth. On the occasion that a day or more is missed from stretching or eating well - the price will be paid. Guilt in the form of aches and pains surface in the joints signaling me to get out there and do what's necessary!

With reflection in mind I'm planning to go about my business. Some of my 'grumpies' will still be there but hopefully they'll be tempered with flexibility to go with the flow. I'll strive to achieve what I can do, and try to be more understanding of obstacles whether they come in the form of people or circumstance.

Hurry, hurry and get out - it's the last day before the 'grind' returns and with it - the bite of routine.

Out Loud

2010-01-01T17:07:00.000-08:00

New Year's Day 2010 and already I've heard two ways of saying 2010. There's Two thousand-ten or Twenty-ten. Which sounds better to you? If you think about it in terms of the year you were born would you say you were born in say, One thousand nine hundred and fifty-seven or would you say Nineteen fifty seven?

I like Twenty-ten. It's shorter and sweeter. Given the fact that another year has come and gone I'm looking for short and sweet. Anything that takes me less time to accomplish anything is alright with me.

The past year was a difficult one for me. Somebody I loved deeply suffered horribly only to die in the end. Unlike my parents who both died quickly Aunt Vivian endured a year of aggressive cancer with inimitable grace. For Aunt Vivian death was a release and for everyone left behind a great sadness.

So I'm thinking that 2010 represents a new beginning. If everyone we loved were with us today they'd be chiming in with their versions of how to say 2010. They have their own resolutions and their own projects - whether it be tidying up a messy room or two, or getting debts under control. A new diet might be in order and as another person I love said to me earlier, "Take it one project at a time". Life is too short to take on too much at once.

Saying this out loud to myself and anyone who reads this: Value yourself and what you do, embrace the people in your life and give back as much as you can! So dust balls watch out, credit card companies - I'm in charge, and to my ever growing digital photo collection - pixels you will be categorized and backed up. I welcome the challenge and look forward to accomplishments ~ one at a time!

Is It Any Wonder

2009-12-28T17:39:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I still know who I am.. With too many memberships to web sites and trying to keep my identity safe, I've often found myself frozen in time. Fingers wait above keyboard for the cerebral nerves to kick in and instruct which password goes with which user name.

I try to be clever when constructing new alliances. Depending on what the web site is, I'll pick something that seems to make sense and is in accordance to the nature of the page. Using the computer repeatedly you might think you get smarter. With the exception of a simple maquest inquiry or what's playing at the movies, I find the more time I spend on the surfing the internet, the less I feel I know anything. I frequently discover during gigabyte journeys that what I thought I knew is merely scratching the surface.There's always one more link that promises to expound upon the very answer sought. Time is eaten away by laptop warmth and it seems so addicting.

Another by-product of this technological environment is an ever increasing feeling that knowledge is not power. It used to feel exhilarating - to acquire something that felt first hand. Making online 'friends' is not entirely equal to those you have live. A unique conundrum happened years ago when the aol voice called out 'You've got mail'. Today, there isn't any endowed wealth of friendship only an in-box filled with chain mails threatening action or else.

Facebook notifications give the impression of connection but budge beyond a cryptic exchange and time expands into a non response as though an unspoken rule (too much talk is against what is expected) has been breached. Those very subscriptions that represented an inside track now require time to read, and time is a shrinking commodity right up there with weekly income.

Traditional news establishments are hurting as a result of computer technology. Newspapers are closing and online editions built in part by citizen uploads are replacing print journalism. Even network television is experiencing a waning audience. It's hard to compete with instantaneous, on demand programming that the computer offers.

If a web page takes too long to load a user moves on or shuts down. At first YouTube and Facebook seemed a phenomenon. These two websites like those before them, MySpace, Google, and now Bing all offer the latest interface that seems to promise knowledge, connectivity, creativity, widgets galore. Do these extensions of self mean anything? I think not.

Is it any wonder that social networking tools have undermined real connections? Or is it me who feels it's not so hot being plugged in?